Linda's Journal - March 30, 2010

I was reminded this morning about a Word that the Lord spoke through me a couple weeks ago at a gathering of believers. I was sharing with Tom this morning about a dream I had last night… it was a spiritual dream with a sense of “urgency” to stay focused on what the Lord is calling us to do because the time is very short! While sharing the dream with him it made me think about the fact that he hasn't been spending time in the Word lately like he used to so I asked him about it. He said that he tends to rely more on “reading” and “studying” the Word, which is where he is more comfortable, but is now working on “listening” and “hearing” God’s voice. So, he has set aside the comfortable and familiar to work on the area that is weaker and not so easy for him. And that is when I remembered the Word from the Lord. 

At a meeting a few weeks ago, a group of us were praying and sharing and the Lord told me to go over and massage a woman’s shoulders. I hesitated until the Spirit poked me enough times so I knew it wasn't “me” and started massaging her shoulders, neck and back while the group was sharing what the Spirit was leading. Then, as I finished massaging the women’s “right” shoulder area, which was done with ease, I moved to the left shoulder and found it to be awkward and difficult, and as I was wondering about this the Spirit spoke to my heart and said “We tend to do the things that come easy and are comfortable and natural to us, spiritually speaking, like using our “right” hand for doing tasks, but I want to encourage you to work on the area’s that are not so comfortable for you, like using your “left” hand to do tasks in order to “strengthen” and develop your weaker areas!” He was encouraging us to work on our spiritual “balance”. Even though it is awkward and difficult, we need to strengthen the weaker side of our spiritual life. Focus on the area’s that need strengthening and work on our “spiritual balance”. In essence, that is what Tom was saying he was doing :)  So, turning that around to me… what area am I weak in that needs to be strengthened?? Well, I know Tom’s strong suit is knowledge of the Word so I tend to rely on him a lot in that way so I would have to say that I should work on spending more time in the word… among other things! I also know I need to familiarize myself more with the Holy Spirit and learn more about His “features” that I have not even tapped into or explored as well. Lord, please guide me and direct me as I move to strengthen the areas in my spiritual life that are weak!

Then Oswald got to me again this morning.  I have been praying for Tom lately for certain things, and until I read Oswald, I didn’t realize how “selfish” my prayers were!! I wanted God to help him to change so that “I” would feel better about where he was… and not really asking God what HE wanted for Tom. This is the statement that got to me “Are we worshiping God in a way that will raise us up to where we can take hold of Him, having such intimate contact with Him that we know His mind about the ones for whom we pray?” Am I so connected with God that I am praying the Mind of Christ for Tom?? I am convicted that I am not...  Lord, I know You know Tom better than I do so please help me to dwell in Your presence, and worship You more and more so that my prayers for Tom (and for others!) are YOUR prayers for him!!

Another note worthy item is that we heard chainsaws on the land today… they have already started cutting down the trees on Bud and Beth’s land!!  They are moving very fast!  It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Bud and Beth had a meeting with a woman from the land acquisition department last week and she said that by June all the trees should be down and the utility poles erected or being erected so the June weddings will be affected!!  This is not a good thing….  Bud and Beth are faced with some hard choices to make!  Father, I pray that they would “run” to you at this time and not try to work all this out on their own!  Lord, guide and direct them and fill them with Your peace as they seek you for what You would have them do.

Linda's Journal - March 19, 2010

Part of today’s Oswald:

Abraham's Life of Faith

Hebrews 11:8 – “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.”

Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason --- a life of knowing Him who calls us to go. Faith is rooted in the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest traps we fall into is the belief that if we have faith, God will surely lead us to success in the world.

This reminds me of my meeting with a new girl yesterday. She was amazingly sweet and her willingness to see and realize that she played a part in her marriages condition was refreshing. She is an opera singer! I thought that was so cool :)  And she has gone to school and is in training to be a “big star’ one day. Her voice teacher is really pushing her to go to New York to get auditions because she has a good deal of talent and feels like she could go far and make lots of money.

Well the whole reason she is meeting with me is because her marriage is in a shambles so I looked at her and asked her if she was willing to set her “career” as a singer aside for a couple of years? Her marriage would not survive the ordeal she would have to go through to “become” a star let alone “be” a star.  Amazingly she, without hesitation, said “yes”, she was willing to set that aside to put her marriage first! That was very cool to hear. How many times do we “justify” our pursuit of “worldly” fame and "wealth" by saying, “God gave me this talent so He must want me to be a star!” and "this must be His "provision" for me!"... But Oswald of all people knows what a “lie” that is. He was an AMAZING artist and was pursuing that “career” when God shut every door there was and then took him to Egypt to minister to the solders during the war… it was not “understandable or reasonable” but it was GODS plan and many lives were won for the Kingdom of God.

Today’s “Intimacy with God” is about starting our prayer time with “Praise”!

Luke 11:2 – “He said to them, "When you pray, say: " 'Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come….”

Psalm 100:4 – “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name”

2 Samuel 7:22 – “How great you are, O Sovereign LORD! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears.”

2 Samuel 22:2-4 – "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior-- from violent men you save me. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.”

1 Kings 8:15 – “Then he said: "Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who with his own hand has fulfilled what he promised with his own mouth to my father David…”

Psalms 103:1-12 – “Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--…”

Daniel 2:20-23 – “Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers: You have given me wisdom and power…”

She encouraged us to come up with “attributes” of God following the alphabet going from A-Z, so here goes….

Oh Father, I thank you for Your example to me, for Your love for me and for who you are to me.  You are the Lord Almighty, Beautiful, Caring, Devoted, Everlasting, the Father to the Fatherless, Gracious, Holy, Immeasurable, a righteous Judge, King of Kings, Longsuffering, Majestic, Noble, the One true God, Powerful, Quiet and peaceful, Righteous and true, Strong and mighty, my strong Tower, Unshakable, Victorious, Wonderful, eXciting, Yahweh, and full of Zeal for me!  

Linda's Journal - March 18, 2010

I feel like things are still shifting and moving and God is funneling us in a certain direction… that only HE knows. The intimacy class is coming to an end as we only have two more nights to meet after next weeks break. It has certainly been an “eye opening” class and we have learned so much but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point. Maybe taking this next week off will help my heart, mind and spirit to get a grip on all that we have been learning and catch up a bit! I do need some time to absorb what we have been learning.  Tom and I talked about starting the book over again and going through all the information when the class is over and going at a slower pace so we can pick up things we might have missed.

I have had several new women referred to me in the last few weeks and since I am not doing the group I am meeting them one on one… which is taking more and more of my time. I am still not hearing anything from the Lord regarding starting the group again so I pray that He gives me what I need to continue to meet with these ladies! I am meeting a new girl this morning and wondering how I will fit her in on a regular basis…  Lord I thank you that you are Lord of the “dance”! (The phrase “Lord of the Dance” has come to mind several times lately!....  Hmmm I sense God preparing me for another awesome revelation J)

The Inn has been quiet the last couple of weeks but we are expecting a guest this weekend and the next. I pray that I will be “ready” when we are at “full blast”! The Lord has cleared our schedule of most of our “regular” group type meetings and I am feeling like the Lord is asking me to set aside another once a month meeting with some lady friends of mine. It is probably so that I have more time for the guests and for the new ladies He is bringing to me… at least that is what I THINK He is doing :)

This morning’s True Vine reminded me of a neat revelation that Tom shared with me after a meeting with one of his men’s groups regarding being a “disciple” of Christ as opposed to just being a “Christian”. The Lord, in the last couple of years, has brought our attention to all the many scriptures that speak of “pursuing” your relationship with Him, running the race, pressing in and being careful if you think you are standing firm that you do not fall… and in John 15:6 how any branch that does not remain in Him will be “picked up and thrown in the fire”… and how the “road is wide that leads to destruction” but “small is the gate” that leads to life and “few find it” (Matthew 7:14-15). All these scriptures seem to be contrary to John 3:16 and Romans 9:10 which say that “anyone” who believes and confesses Jesus will be saved…? So, could it be that there are “disciples”, like the inner circle of the 12 and then there are just “followers” of Christ? Here is some of what the True Vine said this morning:

“ Herein is My Father Glorified, that Ye Bear Much Fruit: So Shall Ye Be My Disciples ”  - John15:8

And are those who do not bear much fruit not disciples? They may be, but in a backward and immature stage. Of those who bear much fruit, Christ says: “These are My disciples, such as I would have them be—these are true disciples.” … So our Lord tells who are disciples after His heart, worthy of the name: Those who bear much fruit. … The difference has existed throughout all ages. There have always been a smaller number of God’s people who have sought to serve Him with their whole heart, while the majorities have been content with a very small measure of the knowledge of His grace and will…  And what is the difference between this smaller inner circle and the many who do not seek admission to it? We find it in the words: much fruit.,

I just thought it was interesting that shortly after Tom shared his discussion with the guys on this subject, I read this… The good news is, God’s plan is so much bigger and more “intricate” than we can possibly imagine, and we cannot even come close to knowing all the details of who has eternal life and who doesn’t. I just know that I am responsible to be obedient to what He has called ME to do, and that I need to do it with my whole heart, mind, body and strength… and let Him deal with everyone else. I am so glad that HE is GOD and I am NOT!

Linda's Journal - March 17, 2010

It has been a couple of days since I have been able to spend some time with my Lord in the morning so He woke me up at 4am this morning. Yesterday was a hard day for me with two “whiny” boys, Tom being one of them… :)  I went to bed early because I was so weary from it all and from trying to keep my mouth shut and be patient, loving and kind… and I honestly didn't really do that great of a job! I guess the Lord knew I needed this time with Him :)  So, once again I am reminded to “keep my eyes on Jesus”!

Here is part of today’s Oswald:

The Servant's Primary Goal

2 Corinthians 5:9 – “So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.”

“We make it our goal. . . ." It requires a conscious decision and effort to keep our primary goal constantly in front of us. It means holding ourselves to the highest priority year in and year out; not making our first priority to win souls, or to establish churches, or to have revivals, but seeking only "to be well pleasing to Him." It is not a lack of spiritual experience that leads to failure, but a lack of working to keep our eyes focused and on the right goal. At least once a week examine yourself before God to see if your life is measuring up to the standard He has for you. Paul was like a musician who gives no thought to audience approval, if he can only catch a look of approval from his Conductor.

I love this!!  Who are we looking to for approval!? If it is not our “conductor” we are off track! And then the True Vine devotional talks about how hard it is to be the “musician” and bear much fruit without Jesus:

The True Vine:

“This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit…”   (John 15:8)

Much fruit—God asks it; see that you give it. God can be content with nothing less; be you content with nothing less. Let these words of Christ—fruit, more fruit, much fruit—abide in you, until you think as He does, and you be prepared to take from Him, the heavenly Vine, what He has for you. Much fruit: herein is my Father glorified. Let the very height of the demand be your encouragement. It is so entirely beyond your power that it throws you more entirely upon Christ, your true Vine. He can, He will, make it true in you.

How true is that!! First, that we can’t do it without HIM, and second the HE CAN and WILL make it happen in me! Only YOU Lord can do these things!

Today’s “Intimacy with God” study was on John 2:1-11 when Jesus turned the water into wine at the wedding. She brought up an interesting point regarding how “devastating” it was for the bridegroom to run out of the wine since he was responsible for it!! And she focused on his need for “more” of something. Her questions were: What was the first step to bringing a resolution to this problem (or need for more)? It was to “go to Jesus”. What did Mary command the servants to do? “Do whatever He tells you”. Oh, how easy it is for us to MISS these very important steps!! Most of the time we try to fix things ourselves and after many failed attempts hopefully we finally turn to Jesus! But when we finally do go to him, do we then listen and obey his instructions to us? In this story the servants had to fill SIX water jars that contained 20 t0 30 GALLONS of water! This was certainly NOT an easy task! They did not have running water easily accessible to them but had to WORK VERY HARD to follow those instructions. Not only that but I am sure these instructions did not make a lick of sense to them! They needed WINE not water! But these were very “good” servants because, not only did they fill these jugs with water, but they filled them “to the brim”!! They didn’t stop part way, doing a mediocre, half hearted job, and they didn’t try to make sense of His instructions but they did the best job they could do and filled the jugs all the way to the top! Wow.  What a wonderful example of an obedient servant these guys were to us. And the coolest part of this story is that THEY were the ones who witnessed the miracle! No one else knew that it was “water” they were bringing to “the master of the banquet” (except maybe Jesus and his disciples) so they were the ones who were the witnesses of Jesus’ first miracle. How cool is that? And how typical of Jesus to not want to impress the “leaders” or the “important people” but focus on the “servants”… the ones who are usually behind the scenes and don’t get much attention. That is SO like my Lord!

So, to make this applicable to me, what do I need more of? Besides “Jesus”…? I guess more of the fruit of the Spirit, His Love, compassion, kindness, patience, wisdom, discernment…Ok, I guess I just need more of Jesus and His Holy Spirit which gives me all those things! And what are His instructions to me..? Well, if the last few mornings with Him are any indication… I would have to say that I need to ABIDE in HIM more, keep my eyes focused on HIM and surrender myself.  “If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

Oh Lord, thank you for waking me up this morning to spend time with you!  I soooo needed it!! Lord, without YOU I can do nothing. Help me to look to You for all things, abiding in You and doing ONLY what You tell me to do. And thank you for your patience and forgiveness for all the many times I am unable to accomplish Your instructions to me. I love you so much my Lord. More of You and less of me! In Jesus name, amen!

Linda's Journal - March 15, 2010

Our intimacy in marriage class has continued to be very good in helping us to grow closer together, teaching us about God’s purpose and plan for marriage as well as teaching me more about intimacy with Christ. Tom and I had so many “gaps” in our understanding of each other and of intimacy that we continually fell into pitfalls of disappointment and confusion. Now I feel like those gaps are finally closing as our understanding increases!  We are learning so much more about enjoying the “journey” and “having fun” with each other!  I feel like, instead of trying to make the small pieces that we had work, we are now beginning to experience the “fullness” that was intended for our relationship and intimacy that we both desired yet kept missing for so long!

Our last class and homework helped us to realize how much we were focusing on the “orgasm” in our lovemaking instead of the fun and playfulness of getting there.  Tom, being a recovering sex addict, had a subconscious perspective that the orgasm was “his greatest need” and focused on "when it was going to happen" instead of allowing the “process” to be the goal.  And I, knowing that was what he wanted, was always resisting. Now that he/we have identified this, we are able to refocus and really enjoy the spiritual and emotional intimacy development between us throughout the day… and if the orgasm happens, great!  If not then we had a wonderful time of intimacy and playfulness.  This has been an amazing transformation in our relationship!

Tom was sharing this with one of his men’s groups he meets with and one of the guys said something like, “we can even apply that to our relationship with the Lord!”  If we are always looking for the big powerful moments with the Lord (the orgasms), we will miss the intimate and playful times with Him during the day!  It seems to be a common theme in the Christian community that we are always looking for God in a “feeling” and a “powerful miracle” and if we don’t “feel” it, we think He isn’t there or we think we are missing Him somehow.  But really we need to be enjoying the daily “quiet times” and “intimate” moments with him as we go about our day.  I thought that was a very profound revelation!  At this point in my walk I think I have moved beyond the need for that BIG “emotional” feeling to feel God’s presence but this application is helping me to zero in on and focus even more on my daily interactions with the Lord and having more fun with Him throughout the day and letting Him control the “orgasms” of our relationship!!  This has been an amazing and wonderful time of growing and learning on so many different levels!  I feel like Tom and I have crossed over a new “threshold” in our relationship that surpasses anything we thought was possible!

Thank you Lord for these wonderful revelations!  Thank you for helping me to “see” You clearer as I learn more about what You intended for my marriage relationship!  I look forward to what You have in store for me in the future!  Help me Lord to continue to look to YOU for all things and in all ways.  You are the King of Kings and You are passionate about your relationship with me!  Help me to truly know what that means and to be as passionate in my relationship with You!

Linda's Journal - March 13, 2010

We are still on the “surrender” theme…

Oswald:

God's Total Surrender to Us

John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Salvation does not mean merely deliverance from sin or the experience of personal holiness. The salvation which comes from God means being completely delivered from myself, and being placed into perfect union with Him… It means that the Spirit of God has brought me into intimate contact with the true Person of God Himself. And as I am caught up into total surrender to God, I become thrilled with something infinitely greater than myself…

…If we are truly surrendered, we will never be aware of our own efforts to remain surrendered. Our entire life will be consumed with the One to whom we surrender… In our surrender, we must give ourselves to God in the same way He gave Himself for us --- totally, unconditionally, and without reservation. The consequences and circumstances resulting from our surrender will never even enter our mind, because our life will be totally consumed with Him.

Wow!!  Lord, you KNOW how badly I want to get THERE… but you also know just how FAR away I am! Lord help me to be content with the day to day, inch by inch growing closer as I surrender and help me to keep my EYES ON YOU and not the journey!

The True Vine

“ Apart From Me Ye Can Do Nothing ” - John15:5  “What a plea and what a call every moment to abide in Christ! We have only to go back to the vine to see how true it is. Look again at that little branch, utterly helpless and fruitless except as it receives sap from the vine, and learn that the full conviction of not being able to do anything apart from Christ is just what you need to teach you to abide in your heavenly Vine. It is this that is the great meaning of the pruning Christ spoke of—all that is self must be brought low that our confidence may be in Christ alone. “Abide in me”—much fruit! “Apart from me”—nothing! Ought there to be any doubt as to what we shall choose?

Lord, this truth is such a stark contrast to what the world teaches!  We are taught from the beginning to be “self-sufficient” and trust in NO one…  Lord, I want to “bear much fruit” in YOU… please give me the strength to have my “self brought low” and have confidence in you alone!

Intimacy with God study:

Jeremiah 29:13-14 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity…

Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

Linda's Journal - March 12, 2010

Friday, March 12, 2010

Today’s topic in the “Intimacy with God” study was “finding a certain place” (if you don’t have one already) to spend time with the Lord. I have mine in the corner of the couch with my light and computer. It is nice and quiet :) She started talking about the mornings when things aren’t so quiet and distractions come that are beyond your control…  the scriptures she brought up was Luke 9:10-11:

“When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.”

What struck me was the “He welcomed them” part!  He didn’t get angry, frustrated or annoyed (like me) but had compassion on them and healed those who needed healing!! This was a bit convicting… and reveals just how much more work the Lord has to do in me! The fruit of the “Spirit” is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control…” and Jesus exuded all those traits in his ministry and dealings with the people. I so desire to have those things just flow naturally through me… but my flesh just seems to over ride that desire most of the time! Lord, more of YOU please and less of me!!

And then of course, Oswald hit the nail on the head once again…

Total Surrender

Mark 10:28 “Peter said to him, "We have left everything to follow you!"

Our Lord replies to this statement of Peter by saying that this surrender is "for My sake and the gospel's" (Mar_10:29). It was not for the purpose of what the disciples themselves would get out of it. Beware of surrender that is motivated by personal benefits that may result… Our motive for surrender should not be for any personal gain at all. We have become so self-centered that we go to God only for something from Him, and not for God Himself….

True surrender will always go beyond natural devotion. If we will only give up, God will surrender Himself to embrace all those around us and will meet their needs, which were created by our surrender. Beware of stopping anywhere short of total surrender to God. Most of us have only a vision of what this really means, but have never truly experienced it.

Lord, as always, please help me to surrender my all to you!  Less of me, more of You, in Jesus name, amen

Linda's Journal - March 11, 2010

Tuesday morning the Lord had a very strong theme going on for me!!  It started off with The True Vine devotional:

March 9^th’s True Vine: John 15:4 - “The branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine. No more can ye, except ye abide in me.” There is but one way for the branch to bear fruit, there is no other possibility, it must abide in unbroken communion with the vine. Not of itself, but only of the vine, does the fruit come. … how strong and universal the tendency would be to seek to bear fruit by our own efforts; how difficult it would be to get us to believe that actual, continuous abiding in Him is an absolute necessity! He insists upon the truth: Not of itself can the branch bear fruit; except it abide, it cannot bear fruit. “No more can ye, except ye abide in me.”

And Tom added this scripture when we were talking about it:

John 15:16 – “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”  So is it possible to bear your own fruit that will NOT last?? 

Then I read Oswald:

March 9^th’s Oswald: Many people today are pouring their lives out and working for Jesus Christ, but are not really walking with Him. One thing God constantly requires of us is a oneness with Jesus Christ. After being set apart through sanctification, we should discipline our lives spiritually to maintain this intimate oneness. When God gives you a clear determination of His will for you, all your striving to maintain that relationship by some particular method is completely unnecessary. All that is required is to live a natural life of absolute dependence on Jesus Christ. Never try to live your life with God in any other way than His way. And His way means absolute devotion to Him. Showing no concern for the uncertainties that lie ahead is the secret of walking with Jesus.

Oswald cracks me up with his “simple” statements!  “All that is required is…” which to me he is saying “it’s simple, all you need to do is….”  But it is the hardest thing you have ever done in your life!! Honestly, who can live in “absolute dependence on Jesus” even one day of your life let alone all the time!!??? I say this but that is my one true goal in life!! Lord, I want to get there!!  Help me to get there, please!

March 9^th’s Intimacy with God study: Mark 1:32-38 

“That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was. Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Jesus replied, "Let us go somewhere else--to the nearby villages--so I can preach there also. That is why I have come."

In this scripture, I can completely see that anyone who was not in “unbroken communion” with and “abiding with” the Father would be tempted to stay in that village and be the “center of attention”!! How tempting that would be! It could very easily and very quickly become all about “ME” instead of “what the Father called me to do”. Is that what is happening all around the world with Christians today? They start off with a passion and a vision from the Lord and end up doing their own thing because they stopped “abiding” and starting “working and striving” for God in their own strength?

This morning’s time with the Lord was on how setting aside the “time” can be very difficult and easily set aside and missed. In my “intimacy with God” study, her description of the Lord was “He is the KING of Kings and He is passionate about His relationship with you”!!  Wow.  Back in the day when we had “kings”, if he summoned me to spend time with him every morning, I would do EVERYTHING I could to get there!! Why is it that I struggle to get up in the mornings to spend that time with “The Creator and Maker of the UNIVERSE!! Holy cow… there is something seriously wrong with me!! I need a serious adjustment to my attitude and perspective of who God is and what He means to me!!

The True Vine devotional today reminded me that I am to be only “The Branch”! :

You are the branch.—You need be nothing more. You need not for one single moment of the day take upon you the responsibility of the Vine. You need not leave the place of entire dependence and unbounded confidence. You need, least of all, to be anxious as to how you are to understand the mystery, or fulfill its conditions, or work out its blessed aim. The Vine will give all and work all. The Father, the Husbandman, watches over your union with and growth in the Vine. You need be nothing more than a branch. Only a branch! Let that be your watchword; it will lead in the path of continual surrender to Christ’s working, of true obedience to His every command, of joyful expectancy of all His grace.

There is it again… “… The place of entire dependence…”

Lord, I pray that you would give me a revelation of who You are and who I am in You!! Give me what I need to be able to “abide in unbroken dependence and communion” with you!! Help me Lord to just “Be the Branch” and not try to be the Vine and take control. Help me to rest in You and wait upon You for all things in all ways. In your wonderful and precious name I pray.  Amen!

Linda's Journal - March 3, 2010

Yesterday morning and today I had a couple really neat “connection” moments with Oswald.  In Yesterday’s devotional he is talking about when Jesus is asking Peter if he loved him… three times! And Oswald has the following insight:

"Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, 'Do you love Me?' “Yet he was awakened to the fact that at the center of his personal life he was devoted to Jesus. And then he began to see what Jesus' patient questioning meant. There was not the slightest bit of doubt left in Peter's mind; he could never be deceived again. And there was no need for an impassioned response; no need for immediate action or an emotional display. It was a revelation to him to realize how much he did love the Lord, and with amazement he simply said, "Lord, You know all things . . ." Peter began to see how very much he did love Jesus, and there was no need to say, "Look at this or that as proof of my love." Peter was beginning to discover within himself just how much he really did love the Lord. He discovered that his eyes were so fixed on Jesus Christ that he saw no one else in heaven above or on the earth below. But he did not know it until the probing, hurting questions of the Lord were asked. The Lord's questions always reveal the true me to myself.”

When I read this I was reminded of the day I had forgotten my cell phone at our daughter’s and started to panic when I realized how much I relied on it. Then the Lord asked me if I relied on HIM as much as my cell phone. It was this probing question that made me realize just HOW MUCH I relied on HIM! Losing the cell phone is just an annoyance but losing Jesus is death! Death to my soul as well as my life as I know it now!! At first, when the Lord asked me that question, I was afraid that I didn’t rely on Him as much as my phone but after I spent some time thinking and pondering, I realized that I truly did, and much more than I was consciously aware of! Jesus’ questioning me “awakened the awareness” of the depth of my reliance of Him. That was pretty cool :)

This last weekend was very busy for us at the Inn. We had some very wonderful guests from Wednesday night through Sunday night so I was baking, cooking and talking to several different people for several days. Plus we had a good friend drop in and stay with us as well! Being an “introvert” socializing drains my battery as opposed to and extravert who is energized by socializing so at the end of the weekend I was so drained I felt like I had nothing left to offer anyone. I told Tom I felt like “poured out wine”. I actually stayed home from being with our grandson last night because I really needed some alone time to “recharge” my battery! 

Then today’s Oswald talked about being “pour out” for his sheep:

When we receive the life of Christ through the Holy Spirit, He unites us with God so that His love is demonstrated in us. The goal of the indwelling Holy Spirit is not just to unite us with God, but to do it in such a way that we will be one with the Father in exactly the same way Jesus was. And what kind of oneness did Jesus Christ have with the Father? He had such a oneness with the Father that He was obedient when His Father sent Him down here to be poured out for us. And He says to us, "As the Father has sent Me, I also send you" (Joh_20:21).

Peter now realizes that he does love Him, due to the revelation that came with the Lord's piercing question. The Lord's next point is --- "Pour yourself out. Don't testify about how much you love Me and don't talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just 'Feed My sheep.' "

That was very cool… to feel like I had poured myself out and “fed his sheep” all weekend, this was a confirmation of my life in Him. That I was doing exactly what He has called me to do! I had never made the connection that Oswald brings up when John says: He had such a oneness with the Father that He was obedient when His Father sent Him down here to be poured out for us. And He says to us, "As the Father has sent Me, I also send you" (Joh_20:21). … to be poured out!! How come we don’t hear that taught anywhere?? The world and the church is always looking for others to serve them… and not to pour themselves out for others! Thank you Lord that you poured Yourself out for us as an example of what we are to do for Your sheep and Your body… help us to take our eyes off of ourselves and our wants and needs and be obedient to what You have called us to do… to feed your sheep.

I know when I am poured out, I enjoy it but I really need to make sure I have some ‘recovery” time afterwards! I was wondering if I was doing something wrong… like trying to do these things in my own strength, which is still a very real possibility too! But, I feel like God was letting me know that pouring myself out in this way was a good thing and within His plan for me :)

We finally got the internet up… a week later, but we are all set now! I have not had as much time to go through the “Intimacy with God” study like I had hoped but have spent some time with it the last couple of mornings. She starts off with the basics of confirming that the Bible is the word of God, and that belief in Jesus is the only way to God and heaven so I am skimming through these chapters since I am already there. I am looking forward to going deeper :)

I have had two new ladies contact me regarding help as spouses of sexual addicts this last week… my days are starting to fill up! I thought for sure I would know what God wanted me to do with the “group” situation by now but I still don’t know anymore than I did before. My thought is, until I hear a clear direction from Him, I will keep doing what I am doing… which is waiting. The ladies seem to be more comfortable with one-on-one meetings at this point anyway and their schedules are all different so coming up with a time they could all come would be difficult… so, I will wait upon the Lord and His direction.

Thank you Lord for your amazing influence, guidance and direction in our lives.  I pray that we all can surrender ourselves and our lives more and more to you so as YOU fill us up, we can be poured out, for YOUR Glory and Honor, in Jesus name, amen!