Upside Down: Humility vs. Pride

(Refreshed from November 2011)

 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart..." (Matthew 11:29)

I have been thinking about the word “humility” for a few years now.  The Lord continues to bring it to mind as a quality He holds very dear. Because of that, it is something I desire to exhibit in my life. I hear Jesus’ invitation over and over again: “…learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart...” Matthew 11:29.

Humility

As I read, or listen, to the Bible, I see humility woven throughout its pages. It's found in the Law, the Prophets, the Psalms, Proverbs, the lives of God's servants, and throughout the New Testament. God is very consistent with communicating the things He values, and humility appears to be one of them. 

I have come to the conclusion that if we desire to know God, and want to be a disciple of the Lord, we will also need to come to know true humility because they are one and the same.

So, before writing this blog, I thought I should look the word up to make sure I knew what it really meant!!  You know how you go about “thinking” you know what a word means only to discover you were mistaken…? 

This is what I discovered; several dictionary definitions described humility as freedom from pride, a modest view of oneself, and a recognition of our own weakness and imperfections.

Along the way I also came across two sayings that helped me with the definition:

"Humility is a strange thing. The minute you think you've got it, you've lost it."

And,

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less."

I loved the second one! But there is certainly truth in both of those statements.

As it turns out, after going through this research, and talking about it with Tom, I am walking away with even more questions than when I started.

Because I don't believe biblical humility is the same thing as thinking you're worthless. Nor do I believe it is false humility, where we constantly put ourselves down. And it certainly isn't unhealthy codependency, something I have personally struggled with over the years.

So what is it?

I think I'm beginning to understand it this way.

True humility is knowing exactly who you are apart from Christ—and exactly who you are because of Christ.

Apart from Him, I am a sinner who can do nothing to earn God's favor. But because of Him, I am redeemed, forgiven, deeply loved, and bought with an incredible price.

It’s not that we feel like we are weak and worthless, it’s that we KNOW who we are in Christ and we are completely reliant upon Him and our confidence rests in Him and not in ourselves or our own abilities. We know that even at our worst, Christ loved us enough to die for us. Again, it isn't confidence in ourselves. It's confidence in Christ.

The more we recognize our desperate need for Him, the less consumed we become with promoting ourselves. Our focus gradually shifts away from our own desires, ambitions, and recognition, and toward loving Him and serving His Kingdom.

Maybe that's why humility actually requires tremendous strength. The world often sees humility as weakness. Jesus demonstrated exactly the opposite.

It takes incredible courage to surrender your own agenda, lay down your rights, trust God's timing, and rely completely upon Him. There is nothing weak about that.

This is where I believe God's Kingdom becomes completely upside down.

Our culture constantly tells us to pursue ourselves.

Protect yourself.

Promote yourself.

Believe in yourself.

Take care of yourself first.

You deserve more.

You deserve recognition.

You deserve comfort.

You deserve success.

Everything points back to self. But Jesus points in the opposite direction. He teaches us to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him.

The world tells us to climb higher. Jesus teaches us to kneel lower.

The world says the greatest person is the one being served. Jesus says the greatest is the servant of all.

One kingdom is built on pride. The other is built on humility.

As I continued thinking about this, I found myself looking at some of the people God specifically describes as humble. It is said of Moses; “Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth.” (Numbers 12:3).

Then there is David, a man after God’s own heart. Although he had already been anointed king, he refused to seize the throne from Saul. Instead, he waited for God's timing. David trusted that if God had made the promise, God would also fulfill it.

Then there is Daniel, whom the angel of the Lord said “… Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard…” Daniel 10:12.

Daniel experienced both honor and humiliation. One day he belonged to Judah's nobility; the next he was a captive in Babylon. Yet throughout it all, he remained faithful, dependent upon God, and unwilling to compromise.

Then, of course, we come to Jesus. If anyone had noble birth, and the right to exalt Himself, it was Him. Yet He laid aside the glory of heaven to become one of us and entered life as a helpless baby.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians, “… though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.”

Jesus, the only truly sinless person who has ever lived chose mercy instead of condemnation. Compassion instead of superiority. Forgiveness instead of judgment. Jesus didn't merely teach humility. He embodied it.

As Tom and I continued talking about this, the word intercession came up. 

Jesus intercedes for us before the Father. Moses interceded for Israel. David interceded for his people as a king of Israel. Daniel prayed and confessed the sins of his nation as though they were his own.

None of them stood above the people they prayed for. They stood with them. Could this be another example of humility?

Here is another thought. Oswald always talks about God’s nature in us, that the Father speaks to His Holy Spirit who is in us. Here is a quote along those lines: “There is no possibility of questioning God when He speaks, if He speaks to His own nature in me. Prompt obedience is the only result. When Jesus says, "Come," I simply come; when He says, "Let go," I let go; when He says, "Trust God in this matter," I trust. This work of obedience is the evidence that the nature of God is in me.” (My Utmost for His highest, November 17^th)

So, the thought is, since Jesus is “gentle and humble at heart” and His Spirit is in us, and if our desire is what John the Baptist said: "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30), then could God be working the attributes of Christ in us as we yield, obey, and die to ourselves?

Could it be that Christ’s humility surfaces in us as we surrender our will and ways and allow Him to be Lord of our lives? Maybe humility isn't something we manufacture. Maybe it's something Christ produces within us.

Ok, this is where I have landed on this upside-down subject. The world values pride and self-reliance, The Kingdom values surrender and reliance upon God.

The more I look at Jesus, the more I realize humility isn't weakness. It's trusting God enough that we no longer have to protect, promote, or prove ourselves. Our lives are safely held in His hands.

But of course, I am still learning, asking questions and allowing God to shape my understanding.

What about you? I would love to hear YOUR thoughts. How do you define humility?  How has God taught you what it means?

Oh, Father in heaven, please help us to focus on Your truths and Your Kingdom principles and Your ways and not the worlds. Lord, show us what true humility is and what it looks like. Help us to rid ourselves of pride, arrogance and self-righteousness and instead, embrace true humility which brings you delight. Thank you Lord for Your Holy Spirit that will continue to teach and show us how to walk in Your ways and in Your humility.  I pray that you give us the courage and the strength to follow in Your footsteps.  In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!

“Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12

Selah

 

Humility is one of the great paradoxes of God's Kingdom. The world tells us to elevate ourselves, but Jesus invites us to lay ourselves down. Pride clings to control; humility rests in God's hands.

 

Perhaps humility isn't about having a low opinion of ourselves at all. Perhaps it's about having such a high view of Christ that self gradually moves out of the center.

 

When Christ becomes our confidence, we no longer have to prove our worth, defend our reputation, or strive for recognition. We are free to love, to serve, and to trust the One who holds our future.

 

Questions for Reflection

 

·        Where do I find myself striving to protect or promote myself?

·        Do I find my confidence in my own abilities or in Christ?

·        Is there someone God is calling me to pray for or serve with greater compassion?

·        What would "less of me and more of Him" look like in my life this week?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus..." (Philippians 2:3–5)

Upside down: The “deceitfulness” of wealth

(Updated and refreshed from October 2011)

"The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the … deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful." Matthew 13:22

In my last Upside Down blog, I focused on the “worries of this life” from this passage in Matthew. But there is another part of this verse that deserves attention all on its own: “the deceitfulness of wealth.” That little phrase carries a lot of weight. I think the key word here is deceitfulness.

Wealth, in and of itself, is not evil. Scripture never says that money is the problem. In fact, God often blesses people financially throughout the Bible. But what is dangerous is the deception that can come along with it when money begins to take a place in our hearts that belongs to God alone.

As 1 Timothy 6:10 says: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil…”

Notice it does not say that money is evil. It says the love of money is the issue.

The real danger begins when money becomes our focus, our security, our identity, or our source. An idol is anything we look to as a source apart from God, and money can very easily slip into that role without us even realizing it. Once that happens, we begin making decisions based on abundance or lack instead of seeking what God is saying.

And honestly, this can affect both the rich and the poor. Money can control those who have it, but it can also consume those who don’t. Constant worry over finances, striving for more, fear of not having enough — these things can grip the heart just as tightly.

Jesus said:

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  Matthew 6:21

The Upside Down Kingdom

So where is the “upside down” aspect of all this?

We were all raised in the systems and thinking of this world, and from what I read in Scripture, God’s perspective on wealth is often completely opposite of the world’s perspective.

The world teaches:

• Accumulate more.
• Protect yourself.
• Store up.
• Climb higher.
• Depend on what you own.

But the Kingdom teaches:

• Trust God daily.
• Give freely.
• Hold possessions loosely.
• Be content.
• Depend on Him as your source.

Money plays an enormous role in our culture. We earn it, save it, invest it, spend it, borrow it, and chase after it. It influences where we live, what we do, and sometimes even how we value people and ourselves.

So, the question becomes: how much of the world’s mindset about money are we still carrying with us after entering the Kingdom of God?

The Deception of Wealth

Before going further, I want to look again at the word deceitfulness.

One definition of deceit is:

“Concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading.”

That is powerful.

Deception works because we often do not realize we are being deceived. Wealth can subtly distort our thinking until we begin trusting in money more than God without even noticing it.

This reminds me of Deuteronomy 11:13-16, "... love the LORD your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul ... lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them..." At its core, I believe God is saying:

“Keep your eyes fixed on Me, because the enemy will constantly try to distract you with lesser things.”

And money can be one of the greatest distractions of all.

Blessed to Be a Blessing

I truly believe God delights in blessing His people. Sometimes those blessings are financial. But I also believe many of us misunderstand why He blesses us.

We tend to think:
“I earned this.”
“I deserve this.”
“This is mine.”

But the longer I walk with God, the more I see that He desires us to be conduits of His blessings, not reservoirs that simply collect and store everything for ourselves.

Jesus said:

“Freely you have received, freely give.”  Matthew 10:8

Everything we have ultimately comes from Him, and none of it goes with us when we leave this earth.

The blessings of God were never meant for us to keep to ourselves. 

Daily Bread Dependence

Another deception surrounding wealth is the belief that if we can save enough, store enough, or secure enough for the future, then we will no longer need to rely so much on God.

Most people would never consciously say that, of course. But if we are honest, sometimes that is what lies underneath our striving for security.

We fear lack.
We fear uncertainty.
We fear needing to trust God too much.

But Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:25-34 not to worry about our lives, because our heavenly Father already knows what we need.

I think often about the Israelites in the wilderness and the manna God provided each morning. They were instructed to gather only what they needed for that day. If they tried to hoard it, it spoiled and filled with maggots.

Why? Because God was teaching them dependence.

He wanted them to learn:
“I will provide for you tomorrow just like I provided for you today.”

Even their clothes and sandals did not wear out during those forty years in the wilderness. That kind of daily trust is completely upside down from the world’s way of thinking.

The Dead Sea Syndrome

I once heard someone compare this principle to the Dead Sea.

The Dead Sea receives water, but it has no outlet. Because there is no flow outward, the water stagnates and nothing thrives there.

I think our hearts can become the same way spiritually.

When blessings only flow to us but never through us, something begins to stagnate inside us. We slowly stop relying on God and begin relying on what we have stored up instead (see Luke 12:15-21)

God designed His blessings to flow. Not just for our benefit, but so others can encounter His goodness through us.

Rich Toward God

Jesus spoke very directly about wealth because He knew how easily it could capture the human heart.

He warned:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth… But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven… For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  Matthew 6:19-21

And again:

“Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”  Luke 12:15

The issue was never simply possessions. The issue was always the heart.

Are we rich in possessions but poor in dependence on God?
Are we storing up treasures on earth while neglecting eternal treasure?
Are we trusting in wealth more than we trust in Him?

Those are difficult questions, but important ones.

Final Thoughts

So, to wrap this up, I believe the “deceitfulness” of wealth is the subtle lie that what we have belongs solely to us, exists for us alone, and can ultimately provide what only God can provide.

That mindset is completely upside down from the Kingdom of God.

God calls us to trust Him daily, to hold earthly things loosely, and to become vessels through which His blessings can flow freely to others.

He alone is our source.

Father, I pray that You would give us all a revelation of the areas that money (or the love of it) may have gotten a hold of us and allowed the enemy to deceive us.  Please reveal the truth of the deception as well as the truth of Your desire to provide for us in all ways.  Help us to trust You more and more for our daily provision and learn to look to You for all of our needs. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Selah / Reflection

Take a moment and ask yourself:

• What role does money truly play in my heart?
• Do I see God as my source, or do I feel safer trusting in what I can control?
• Am I holding tightly to what God has given me, or am I willing to let His blessings flow through me?

Sometimes the greatest deception is not obvious greed, but subtle dependence.

May we learn what it means to trust our Father for our “daily bread” and find our security in Him alone.

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” 1 Timothy 6:17

Transitions of Life

 “In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:2-3

When you hear, or think of, the word "transitions" what comes to mind?

Is it transitioning from one job to another? From one season of life to another—getting married, becoming a parent or grandparent? Seasonal transitions from winter to spring, summer to fall, weather transitions… Sun rises or sun sets. Or even something as simple as transitioning from sleep to wakefulness?

The word transition is broad and can encompass many things, including both the mundane and the extraordinary. Lately that word has been rolling around in my head and settling deeper into my heart.

In January of this year, I held the hand of a good friend who passed from this temporal world into the eternal. If you have never experienced that profound transition, it is not something anyone can describe. Much like giving birth to a child, every experience is unique and very personal. Until you experience it first hand, the concept and understanding can be hard to grasp.

Thankfully my elderly friend was ready for this transition. At 95 years old, she had lived a full and very blessed life. In her final days she was suffering from a painful condition and was asking God to take her home to be with her loved ones who had gone before her.

“To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”  2 Corinthians 5:8

I understand that not everyone experiences this kind of transition, but regardless of how it unfolds, the transition still happens and is just as real and significant.

When we witness this kind of moment, and transition, I think it is in our best interest to take some time to ponder and meditate on this incredible miracle. Because what if, what we witnessed, was not just an ending but a beginning?

Not unlike a newborn baby transitioning from the womb into this world, an entirely new existence, those who leave this life are stepping into another. One life giving way to the next. Another type of birth, from the temporal into the eternal.

In both birth and death, there is a crossing over. In both, there is letting go of one reality to enter another. And in both, there is a holy moment where heaven meets earth in ways we don’t fully understand.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart…” — Ecclesiastes 3:11

Because of my elderly friend’s passing Tom and I are looking at a transition of our own. A different type of transition but still significant to us.

For the last year and a half, we had the privilege of living with her, and caring for her, so that she could remain in her home. As it turned out, this was a two-way street. She cared for us while we cared for her. It was a wonderful season of ministry for both of us.

Now that season has passed along with her. We are still in her home for the moment, but we don’t yet know where we are going next. And in many ways, that feels like its own kind of birth.

And that’s where faith meets transition.

Tom and I have talked, prayed, searched, and considered different possibilities. But at the end of the day, we find ourselves in a familiar place—waiting on the Lord. We have given our lives to Him fully. And time and time again, He has proven Himself faithful in ways we could have never orchestrated on our own.

So, we wait… not passively, but expectantly.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5–6

Interestingly, this transition feels different.

For the first time in over 18 years, we are completely free to go anywhere. Since 2008, when I began working for my friend, there has always been a sense of staying—of being rooted here for her. And it was desired and intentional. But now, that assignment is complete.

Other areas of our lives have shifted as well. In addition to not caring for elderly people, we are no longer life coaching or leading groups, and our family is spread across the country. There’s nothing tying us to one specific place.

We are established here—with doctors, insurance, and dear friends. So, if God leads us to stay, we will receive that with gratitude and certainly will not complain, lol. But our hearts are open.

“Here I am, Lord… send me.”

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’”  Isaiah 6:8

At the core of it all, our deepest desire is to be used by God.

The years we spent living at the B&B were filled with moments of ministry that were nothing short of miraculous. This past season with our elderly friend was different—but no less meaningful or miraculous.

And now… we sense that God is preparing something new. Preparing to open a door to our new assignment.

So here we are. Waiting. Listening. Trusting. Standing in the space between what was and what will be. A new birth.

'Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.' "  1 Samuel 3: 9

Father, thank You for the gift of transitions—even when they feel uncertain or uncomfortable. Thank You that You are present in both the endings and the beginnings. Teach us to trust You in the waiting. Strengthen us, refine us, and shape us into who You are calling us to be for what lies ahead and for Your glory. With all my love, Linda

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Selah: Reflection and Pause

Every transition carries within it both an ending and a beginning.

But often, we focus so much on what we’re leaving behind that we miss what God is forming within us.

What if this season you’re in… is not just a waiting room—but a womb?

A place where something new is being shaped, prepared, and brought to life in God’s perfect timing.

Take a moment to reflect:

• What transition are you currently walking through?
• Does it feel more like an ending… or a beginning?
• What might God be forming in you during this in-between season?

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

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“Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.” Isaiah 46: 9-10

Upside down 2: The WORRIES of this life…

(Updated and refreshed from 2011)

“The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful.” (Matthew 13:22)

The Upside Down Reality

When I read the parable of the sower (or the soils), it reveals yet another upside-down way we tend to think.

In the world’s system, worry is normal—even expected. It’s often seen as responsible, caring, and even necessary. But in God’s Kingdom, worry is not something to embrace—it’s something to release.

The World’s Perspective

We live in a culture that constantly feeds worry, anxiety, and fear.

News outlets thrive on keeping people concerned about today, tomorrow, and the future. Fear increases viewership—it keeps people watching. From political unrest and natural disasters to crime, accidents, and even the latest “can’t-miss” deal, the message is clear: be concerned, be alert, don’t fall behind.

And we’ve learned to live the same way.

I’ve heard so many parents express how worried they are about their children—their choices, their safety, their future. That worry often becomes a badge of honor, almost as if it proves how much they love.

If it’s not our children, it’s something else—our jobs, our health, our finances, our relationships. And sometimes, even when everything is going well, we still find ourselves worrying about what might happen.

It’s almost as if we’ve been conditioned to believe that worry equals responsibility.

If I don’t worry… does that mean I don’t care?

My husband likes to quote a comedian who said,
“Worrying really works! Everything I’ve worried about never happened!”

It’s funny—but it also reveals something deeper.

The Heart Issue

Why do we worry so much? Does it actually change anything?

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27)

Haven’t we heard that anxiety, worry and fear can cause health issues?  Where does this come from anyway and why is it so much a part of our Christian lives? Most people don’t want to live in worry, but they don’t know how to stop.

We could probably come up with a multitude of reasons why we worry but in the end we can see the root of it all, our worry reveals something deeper: a struggle to fully trust God.

When we boil it down, worry often exposes a lack of confidence in His goodness, His faithfulness, and His provision. This takes us all the way back to the beginning. In the Garden of Eden, the enemy’s strategy was simple but powerful—cause doubt.

“Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3:1–5)

That same whisper still echoes today—subtly planting fear and questioning God’s character. The lie suggests that God may not come through… that He might be holding something back.

And when we believe that, worry takes root.

God’s Perspective

But God tells a completely different story.

He points us to the lilies of the field—how they grow without striving—and yet are beautifully clothed.
He reminds us that the birds are fed, even though they do not store away in barns.
And then He gently asks: how much more valuable are you?

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow…” (Matthew 6:33–34)

Jesus says:

“Do not worry about your life… Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” (Luke 12:22–32)

He reassures us:

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you… Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

We are instructed:

“Do not be anxious about anything… and the peace of God… will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6–7)

And we are reminded:

“Perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

Over and over again, we hear the same message:
Do not be afraid.

God knows how easily fear can take hold—and how quickly it can choke out His Word, making it unfruitful. So He continually calls us back to Himself:

“Look at Me, My child. Trust Me.”

Turning It Right Side Up

So how do we actually live this out? If we’re honest, we tend to trust those we truly know. The same is true in our relationship with God.

If we only know about Him, worry will still find a place to grow. But when we begin to truly know Him—His heart, His character, His faithfulness—trust starts to replace fear.

This isn’t about striving to do more for God. It’s about intentionally pursuing Him. Spending time in His Word—not out of obligation, but out of desire to know Him. Asking Him to reveal His heart. Letting His truth take root deep within us.

As that happens, His Word begins to grow and flourish in our hearts—and it is no longer choked out by the worries of this life.

A Simple Perspective Shift

One of our favorite movie lines comes from Bridge of Spies. When asked if he was worried about an upcoming exchange, the spy simply replied:

“Would it help?”

Such a simple question—but incredibly revealing.

Because the honest answer is: No.

So, if worry doesn’t help… why do we keep holding onto it?

Father, I pray that we would set our hearts on truly knowing You—understanding Your love, Your faithfulness, and Your goodness toward us. Help us to recognize the lies we have believed and replace them with the truth of who You are.

Teach us to trust You more and more. Reveal Your heart to us in deeper ways, so that Your perfect love would drive out every fear within us.

We choose to place our worries into Your hands, knowing that You care for us completely.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Selah: Reflection and Pause

What worries have been quietly taking root in your heart?

Have you been carrying them as a sign of responsibility—or even love?

Do you truly trust that God cares for you and will provide for what you need?

What would it look like to intentionally pursue knowing Him more in this season?

Take a moment to sit with Him.
Invite Him to reveal where fear has replaced trust—and allow His truth to take its place.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

I see things UPSIDE DOWN

(Updated from August 26, 2011)

Seeing Things Upside Down

Over the last couple of years, as I’ve shared my life with others—and they’ve shared theirs with me—I’ve been struck again and again by how often we, as Christians, see things upside down.

What I mean is this: the more I get to know God and His Kingdom principles, the more I realize that many of the things I believed throughout my Christian walk are not at all what God is asking of me. In fact, they are often the exact opposite—backwards, even upside down—from what He desires.

A few years ago, some friends introduced us to a Derek Webb song called “What Is Not Love” (also known as “I See Things Upside Down”). These lyrics have stayed with me: 

What looks like failure is success

And what looks like poverty is riches

When what is true looks more like a knife

It looks like you’re killing me

But you’re saving my life

But I give myself to what looks like love

And I sell myself for what feels like love

And I pay to get what is not love

And all just because I see things upside down

What looks like weakness can do anything

And what looks like foolishness is understanding

When what is powerful has not come to fight

It looks like you’re going to war

But you lay down your life

What looks like torture is a time to rejoice

What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice

When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed

And I say I don’t know you

But you say it’s finished

(What is not Love by Derek Webb)

Those words capture this idea perfectly. So, with this intro, I will start off with the first in a series on this topic.  

The Pressure to Convince

Recently, I was talking with a friend who shared that she sometimes has conversations in her mind—imagining what she would say to nonbelievers if she ever had the opportunity to talk with them about the Lord and the truth of the Bible.

She’s mentally preparing for a debate that may never even happen. Can you relate? I certainly can.

I remember doing the same thing—especially after unexpected conversations with skeptics. I would walk away and replay everything in my mind, thinking of all the things I wish I had said, rewriting the conversation over and over.

I often felt so inadequate in my responses. I wished I had better answers—better comebacks—so that somehow, through my words, they would “see the light” and be convinced of the truth of Jesus. (insert “angelic” “ah-ha” music here)

But the key issue was this: they were my words.

And honestly, this reminds me of another area where I fall into the same trap—my marriage. I catch myself trying to “fix” my husband, trying to get him to “see the light” and realize that I am right.

And for some reason… it never works out in reality the way it does in my head. (What’s up with that? 😊)

It Was Never Our Job to Save

So why do we feel like it’s our responsibility to save people? And what does Scripture actually say?

Jesus said:
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

Not through Linda. Not through Tom, Bob, Sue, Jane, or Mary—but through Jesus.

And again:
“No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them…” (John 6:44)

That means unless the Father is drawing someone, there is nothing we can say or do to convince them. It is the Holy Spirit’s role to convict, to reveal truth, and to draw hearts to God.

Words vs. Witness

This next passage had a huge effect on me:

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives…” (1 Peter 3:1–2)

That phrase—without words—convicts me every time. Especially in marriage. And if I’m honest, I also fall short of the “purity and reverence” part more often than I’d like to admit.

But this passage highlights something so important: we are called to live the life ourselves—to love others as Jesus loves us:

“Love each other as I have loved you.” (John 15:12)

And then… let God do the rest. Now, I’m not saying God won’t ever use our words—He absolutely does. But I think we often lean too heavily on words and not enough on how we live.

Disciples, Not Converts

And you might be thinking, What about Matthew 28?

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…" (Matthew 28:19–20)

Did you catch that? It doesn’t say “make converts.” It says make disciples. So why do we so often take on the responsibility of “saving” people?

What I’ve come to see is this: God draws people to Himself—and we are called to disciple them.

A Life That Draws Others

So how do we do that? I believe it starts with our lives. Our relationship with God. Our relationships with others. The visible evidence of His transforming work in us.

There’s a quote often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi:
“Preach the gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.”

Whether or not he actually said it, the truth still stands.

We have it backwards when we try to convince others with words while our lives don’t yet reflect His love.

Truth be told, I think it is easier for us spend our time "arguing and debating" with people rather than learning to love them. And trying to fix them rather than build relationships with them.

Scripture reminds us:

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments… the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone…” (2 Timothy 2:23–24)

It’s also easier to see other people’s issues than our own. And let’s face it—it’s often more comfortable trying to fix others than allowing God to work on us.

But imagine this:

What if our lives so clearly reflected Christ—His love, compassion, kindness, mercy, and grace—that people were drawn to us?

That they began to ask,
“What must I do to be saved?” (Acts 16:30)

That kind of life doesn’t come easily. It requires surrender. Refining. Humility. Letting God deal with our “stuff.”

But when we do, this Scripture becomes reality:

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have…” (1 Peter 3:15)

When God is at work, people will be drawn—and they will ask. And how will they recognize us?

Jesus said:
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35)  

Turning It Right-Side Up

We can’t give what we don’t have.

Until we allow Jesus to transform our hearts and fill us with His love, we won’t have it to offer others.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33)

When we fix our eyes on Him and allow Him to change us, He will take care of the rest.

So in summary, what we often see upside down is this:

We take on the responsibility of saving, fixing, and changing others—when that was never our role. We rely on our words, debates, and arguments, instead of living lives that reflect His love and allowing God to reveal Himself through us.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart… and love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37–39)

Lord, help me to focus on You and on what You have asked me to do—and not take on what was never mine to carry. Teach me to simply be the branch, abiding in You, instead of trying to do Your work for You. Give me Your perspective. Help me to see through Your eyes.

Transform my heart. Fill me with Your love, grace, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control—so that it overflows to those around me.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Selah: Reflection and Pause

Take a moment to be still before the Lord.

Where in your life might you be seeing things upside down?

Is there someone you’ve been trying to “fix,” convince, or change with your words—whether in your family, your marriage, your friendships, or even with strangers?

Gently ask the Lord to reveal if you’ve taken on a role that was never yours to carry.

Now shift your focus inward.

Are there areas in your own heart where God is inviting you to surrender, grow, or be transformed?

Remember, He is not asking you to strive harder—but to abide more deeply.

As you sit with Him, reflect:

• Am I relying more on my words than on the testimony of my life?
• Do my actions reflect the love, grace, and humility of Christ?
• Am I trusting God to draw others, or am I trying to do His work for Him?

Release the pressure to fix others.
Release the need to have the right words.
Release the burden of outcomes that were never yours to control.

And receive His invitation instead:

To walk closely with Him.
To be transformed by Him.
To love others as He has loved you.

Reflection Question:
What would it look like this week to shift my focus from changing others to allowing God to change me?

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” (John 15:4)