Remember who the REAL enemy is....

From a wives perspective of her husband’s addiction, it is so easy to get caught up with the things of this world and of the “flesh” and completely forget that there is a “spiritual” side to everything.  Especially in regards to our husband’s sexual addiction and when the impact of that addiction hits our lives so hard and painfully. We see the “person” (our spouse) as “the enemy” and the cause of all this pain, difficulty and heartache so we turn against them and start blaming, accusing, criticizing, correcting, fixing, judging, rejecting… you know all those things we do to protect ourselves from more hurt, pain and betrayal. All those feelings are real and valid but we need to ask ourselves a very important question: “What are we accomplishing by doing and saying all those things?” Are we fighting the battle correctly? Are our tactics working or making it worse? As Dr. Phil likes to say, “How is that working for you?” For me, it didn’t work AT ALL and, after over 20 years of trying, I discovered that this defense mechanism actually made things worse and seemed to dig us even deeper into the pit we were already in.

But one day, God gave me a new perspective (one of MANY in my journey of healing and recovery) and a vision that I could not see before. He helped me to rise above the temporal to see the situation from my husband’s perspective and from the spiritual side of things and when He did that my attitude did a complete 180. It’s almost like the Lord lifted me up out of the muck and mire of the flesh, hurt, pain and details of this world and my circumstance and helped me to see the “spiritual” side of things. I suddenly had a heart of compassion and love that wasn’t there before. I could finally see that my husband was NOT the enemy… He was a victim just as much as I was! Not that he isn’t responsible for his own actions and behaviors, because he most certainly is, just like I am, but he was deceived and got caught in a trap that was far more dangerous and costly than he ever thought imaginable and he can’t get out of it on his own… no matter how hard he tries. The enemy, knowing his weaknesses, baited and trapped him using the sexuality that God created him with, and set out to systematically destroy him, his marriage and his family.

The Lord showed me the constant battle my husband faces each day in the world we live in. The constant sexual images in the streets, in magazines, movies, sports ads and programs, TV shows… and the office he worked in, the restaurants, grocery stores and places he goes are all filled with provocatively dressed women… everywhere he goes he is surrounded by the bombardment of sexual enticement!  He is constantly at war with the very thing God gifted him with; his sexuality and visual stimulation. Wow. That was an eye opener for me! The world is dominated by Satan’s influence so he has complete control over the media and everything that goes over the airwaves (he is “the ruler of the kingdom of the air” Ephesians 2:2) and most if it is targeted at our husbands and children… we are at WAR for our very marriages and families and our spouse is NOT the enemy.

What I realized was that, in my “incorrect” way of dealing with this situation, I added to his difficulty each day when I beat him up verbally and emotionally over the things I thought he was doing wrong… I made it my job to correct him. I made his home a “war zone” instead of making it a place of peace and refuge from the storm and the battle grounds he was fighting in each day! I had to ask myself, “would ‘I’ want to come home to ‘me’ each day?” Am I making his home a place where there is peace and safety, comfort, love, respect and security? My answer was a clear and resounding “NO”.  When I realized this, I had a visual image of our home as a boxing ring and my husband and I are boxing it out against each other in the ring, and then I saw that there were other opponents in the ring (the enemy and his gang) boxing us out as well. We were divided and defeated as we fought against each other. Then the Lord showed me the way we were supposed to be fighting and that is back to back (or side by side), fighting the REAL enemy together. We are most certainly defeated when we are separated, fighting against each other as well as trying to fight the spiritual forces of this dark world. But together, fighting arm in arm, back to back, protecting each others backs in support and prayer, we have a fighting chance to succeed with God’s help!  

In 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 it says “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  So now, whenever I get those negative thoughts about my husband, and/or have the urge to “help him out” with negative correction or accusing comments I keep my mouth shut (most of the time anyway) and I pray for him! I lift him up for protection, strength and courage to make the right decision everyday. I pray for wisdom and for protection for his mind from the constant visual images he deals with each day. I pray that he will make the right and Godly choices that he truly wants to make in all situations. And, I leave the “changing” of my husband to God! Then I pray for myself that I would be the wife he needs me to be, supporting him and praying for him, and that I would always remember who the real enemy is so that I can “fight the good fight” (1 Timothy 6:12), fighting for and with him in the spiritual realm and not fighting against him in the physical realm.

Lord, help us all have a revelation of who the real enemy is! Help us to keep our eyes on YOU and the “spiritual” battle and not get caught up in the temporal. Give us Your eyes, Your strength, and Your perspective to fight this battle that only You can win. In Jesus name, amen.

God's Ministry of LOVE to us...

Oswald's devotional yesterday got me to thinking about something and when I shared it with a friend she encouraged me to write it down. So, I will let you read Oswald first and then I will continue:

The Inevitable Penalty

Matthew 5:26 - "I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

There is no heaven that has a little corner of hell in it. God is determined to make you pure, holy, and right, and He will not allow you to escape from the scrutiny of the Holy Spirit for even one moment. He urged you to come to judgment immediately when He convicted you, but you did not obey. Then the inevitable process began to work, bringing its inevitable penalty. Now you have been "thrown into prison, [and] . . . you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny" (Mat_5:25-26) . Yet you ask, "Is this a God of mercy and love?" When seen from God's perspective, it is a glorious ministry of love. God is going to bring you out pure, spotless, and undefiled, but He wants you to recognize the nature you were exhibiting --- the nature of demanding your right to yourself. The moment you are willing for God to change your nature, His recreating forces will begin to work. And the moment you realize that God's purpose is to get you into the right relationship with Himself and then with others, He will reach to the very limits of the universe to help you take the right road. ...

When I read these phrases "God is determined to make you pure, holy, and right, and He will not allow you to escape from the scrutiny of the Holy Spirit for even one moment." And "God is going to bring you out pure, spotless, and undefiled, "  I had this vision run through my mind.  I saw "us humans" being dredged through the world of pain, hurt and yuckyness from the day we are born until the day we meet the Lord for the first time and give our lives to Him. In our time in the world we pick up all sorts of bad things, bad attitudes, thoughts, misunderstanding of who we are and who He is, not to mention all the things that have been done to us... abandonment, rejection and abuses of all kinds so we come to Him dirty, scraped, cut, broken and bruised as well as emotionally, spiritually and physically a mess... 

So, dirty, grimy, broken and bruised we present our lives to Christ. The thing about this is that we don't really see what we truly look like and the condition we are in at this point but God does. We are just so happy to be with Him but He sees it ALL and He is filled with love and compassion for us like a mother who sees her lost child returned to her all dirty, hurt and scratched up. He knows all that it will take to clean us up and heal our wounds and it is because He loves us that he begins to wash us down, and scrub our wounds... knowing that it will hurt us, but also knowing that we need it in order to make us "pure, spotless, and undefiled". Then, as I watched God cleaning us up, I saw how much we complained and fought against Him, trying to pull away from Him because it didn't feel good when He scrubbed behind our ears or when His touch down right hurt us... especially when He touched those deep and painful wounds that needed special attention and care.  If we don't see what God is really trying to do we will continue to pull away, like a hurt and frightened child, and not let him attend to us like He so longs to do. If we don't understand that He is making "right" what has gone "wrong" in our lives we may view Him as a mean parent and avoid Him and His ministry of Love to us. He so wants to embrace us and sanctify us but He will NOT force us to do this...  we have to come to Him and allow Him to make these changes in our lives, clean us up and heal our wounds. It will not always look the way we think it will or feel the way we would like it to feel, but He is so very faithful, loving, kind, compassionate and so worthy of our trust.

This reminds me of a story in Ezekiel 16:4-6 "On the day you were born your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to make you clean, nor were you rubbed with salt or wrapped in cloths. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised. 'Then I passed by and saw you kicking about in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, Live!"

Got wants us to "LIVE" and not just "survive" or "get by", He wants to scrub us clean and make us right, pure and holy so that He can embrace us and we can reflect Him in our lives and live for Him and His glory.

Father, I pray that we can see through Your eyes of love the things that you desire to "clean up" in our hearts and lives and allow you to do what you need to do without running away from you.  Give us the strength and the courage to stand still, not fighting or resenting the job you need to do but willingly lay on the altar all the things that are not of you that need to be removed or healed.  Thank you Lord that you love us so much despite the condition we are in when we come to you each and every day of our lives.  Help us not to "demand our own rights to ourselves" but allow you to "reach to the very limits of the universe" to make us into the child you created us to be.  In your precious and wonderful name Lord Jesus, Amen!

With ALL of your heart….

The Lord has recently impressed the scripture upon my heart (once again) to “Love the LORD your God with ALL your heart and with ALL your soul and with ALL your strength.”  And in the Bible He says that THIS is the greatest and most important commandment of them all!  It doesn’t say to love Him when it is convenient,  when it is easy, when you have time, when He blesses you or even when you “feel” like it but with ALL of you, ALL the time.  

As I wrestle with this concept myself as to how I can possibly do this and what this actually LOOKS like I marvel at what we have currently defined it to be in our lives.  We say we “love the Lord” but then seem to be content with giving Him only 5 to 10 minutes of our time each day with a couple of “help me” or “help them” prayers and if He’s lucky, a couple of “thank You’s”  thrown in for good measure. Or if we are really good, we spend a couple hours with Him and talk about Him to some people throughout the day. 

But wait! His instructions get even better!  He tells us in this same scripture, in Deuteronomy 6 that His “Words” should be written “upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates…”  And in Deuteronomy 11 He say’s it AGAIN “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates…”  And with this scripture He prefaces it by saying “Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them”

Wow.  These scriptures are so powerful and so “all encompassing” and they are saying that we should be “consumed” with Love for HIM so much so that His words are upon our hearts and spoken from our mouths at every point in our day… or we will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods.

When I try to wrap my mind around what that scripture would look like in my own life, I think about what “love” looks like in the world.  The closest thing that I can come up with is when you first meet someone and fall in love and your mind and thoughts are consumed with that person all day long.  You think about him/her every moment, you can’t wait to talk with them and you look forward to when you can be with them again.  And when you are with them, you wish time could stand still so that you can be in “that moment” with them for all time.  You pour yourself and your time into that person and begin to build a relationship with them.  When I think about that, I feel like that is the LEAST that God is asking of us... of ME.  Do I love Him so much that all else fades away and is set aside for Him?  Sadly my answer is a disappointing “no”… but do I WANT to be there?  In this case, my answer is a resounding “YES”!!  But how do I get there??!!

I know I am not the only one that struggles with this.  The enemy has done an amazing job of pulling us away from our “first love” and has convinced us that we “need” to have the “American dream” or even better yet. that “God” wants us to have it!  We believe hat God wants us to have the homes, the cars and all the “good things” that the world and life has to offer and we even believe that those things are His “blessings” for us… but all those “things” actually take us and our time away from Him!  In order for us to be able to afford these things… that He has supposedly “given” us, we have to work mega hours, focusing on our jobs and not Him.  And when we are home we need to take care of the house, mowing the lawn, painting, doing repairs, making improvements, doing yard work… And by the time we are done with all of that work we are so exhausted we sit in front of our big screen TV to relax and gel out.  And we think that “this” is what He wants for us??  Stress, exhaustion, financial burdens and ZERO time with Him?  Some how I can’t reconcile the Deuteronomy scriptures with what most of our lives look like today…  I believe we have been deceived and we have been “enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them” and still we believe we are doing what God wants us to do!??

One of the “key” components of the enemies “American dream” is FEAR. The more you have the more fear you have of loosing it! You work and you sweat and you sacrifice your relationship with God, your family and your health to climb up the corporate ladder to earn a six figure income… (Or something like that) to collect your many possessions that signify and represents your successful life… but in reality, all of that could be swept away in a heart beat!  A layoff, sickness, a fire, economic decline, bankruptcy… could sweep away all of your work and efforts in a blink of an eye!  These two scriptures come to mind when I think of collecting things on earth and the concept of “retirement”; Matthew 6:19-21 - “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” And Luke 12:15-21 - “Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." ‘But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?' This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God”  Based on these scriptures (and there are many more like them!), I have a hard time believing that God would want us to invest so much of ourselves and our lives for the “things” of this world and not in HIM.

So then eventually, in our pursuit of the “American dream”, we wonder why we have no joy, why God seems so far away and what happened to my marriage and family…?!  Why is my spouse leaving me for another? Why are we in such financial distress, physical decline and an emotional wreck?  WE HAVE BEEN DECIEVED!  The “American dream” was not God’s idea!  The whole concept of working your tail off during the prime of your life, to collect things and money so that you can one day “retire” and finally live the life you’ve always wanted to live is a LIE and a trap… And dare I say bondage?  I hear God’s heart for us to choose HIS way when I read the scripture in Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

When I read the scriptures in Deuteronomy I envision the instructions to be something like the way we would think about living our life and seeing our future with a “job” or “career”.  He asks us to commit our lives to “loving” Him and “living” Him.  To going to school to “learn” about Him and get to know Him and then invest the rest of our days serving Him (as He leads us in our gifts) and then, when we do this, we will be reaping the benefits of our service to Him as He pours His blessings upon us... or actually I should say, as He pours “Himself” into us, because we even have a “tweaked” idea of what His blessings are too!  But, what I think is happening is that the deception is so great, we believe, using this analogy, that we can show up to our jobs for 5 or 10 minutes a day, or at best, a couple hours a day, and most of the time hang out with our co-workers chit chatting, and then go home to do what WE want to do!  And then we expect the company to pay a full days wage plus provide the promised benefits and then we get upset and indignant when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.  That is the work of the master deceiver!  When you look at it that way you can’t help but see the ridiculousness of it all!  In Oswald Chambers April 15^th entry he says: “God wants you to be entirely His, and it requires paying close attention to keep yourself fit. It also takes a tremendous amount of time. Yet some of us expect to rise above all of our problems, going from one mountaintop experience to another, with only a few minutes' effort.”

Unfortunately, another added difficulty to our quest is that we have been raised in the society of “instant gratification” and have to battle the constant message of “I want what I want, and I want it now!”…  Waiting on God, working hard to develop spiritual strength and investing your time in getting to KNOW God, sacrificing your fleshly desires is NOT what is encouraged in this world around us…

One good way to find out how serious God is about something is if he repeats it a couple of times in His Word…  So the following are the scriptures I have found that say this, and things like it… but these are just a “sampling” of what is there…:

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 – “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates…”

Deuteronomy 10:12 – "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you except to fear the LORD your God by walking in all His ways, to love Him, and to worship the LORD your God with all your heart and all your soul?”

Deuteronomy 11:13-22 - “So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today--to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul-- … Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them…  Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many…”

Deuteronomy 13:3 – “do not listen to that prophet's words or to that dreamer. For the LORD your God is testing you to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and all your soul.”

Deuteronomy 30:6 – “The LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the hearts of your descendants, and you will love Him with all your heart and all your soul, so that you will live

Joshua 22:5 – “Only carefully obey the command and instruction that Moses the LORD's servant gave you: to love the LORD your God, walk in all His ways, keep His commands, remain faithful to Him, and serve Him with all your heart and all your soul."

Matthew 22:36-38 - “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."

Mark 12:28-31 – “One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" The most important one, answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

Luke 10:25-28 - “On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"  What is written in the Law? he replied. "How do you read it?" He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind' ; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' " You have answered correctly, Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

Psalms 119:1-20 – “Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways. You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me. How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, O LORD; teach me your decrees. With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth. I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word. Do good to your servant, and I will live; I will obey your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. I am a stranger on earth; do not hide your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times.”

Psalms 1:1-3 – “Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.”

John 15:4-7 – “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.”

Psalms 12:6 - “And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times.”

1 Peter 1:24-25 – "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever."

2Timothy 3:16-17 – “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

Hebrews 4:12-13 – “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

Father, I pray for all of us right now and I pray that we would learn to “walk in Your ways” and follow your decrees and to Love you with ALL our hearts, minds, soul and strength!  Lord, show us what that looks like for each one of us!  I know that we each have been created for a different and specific purpose for service in Your Kingdom, teach us how to work for YOU in YOUR kingdom and not for the prince of this world. Help us to not “be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them” but to serve you only! Open our eyes to see the life the YOU desire for us!  Please take the scales and the blinders off and help us to see YOUR truth and walk in Your ways.  In Your mighty and precious name I pray, amen!