Broken Love

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Matthew 9:36

This blog was inspired by a Father’s Day letter Tom wrote to his dad. Instead of sending store-bought greeting cards, Tom has always chosen to write personal letters to his parents—heartfelt notes filled with pictures and touching words to celebrate birthdays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. His words often moved his mom to tears—grateful, joyful tears.

In this most recent Father’s Day note, Tom reflected on how, when we’re young, we often see our dads as superheroes—able to do anything and everything. But as we grow older, we begin to realize they’re just regular people.

In Tom’s case, he now sees his dad as a true hero—not because he was perfect, but because he accomplished so much in life without a manual, doing the best he could. He failed at times, succeeded at others, but never gave up. Here is an excerpt from his letter:

“A hero isn’t a guy from Krypton with limitless strength or some super genius who is born with intelligence, it is the everyday guy who somehow overcomes the obstacles in his life. The “Hall of Heroes” (he referenced the time he had with his dad at the Football Hall of Fame) was filled with men like that, men who found ways to succeed.”

As Tom and I talked about his letter the next day, I couldn’t help but think about my mom. She wasn’t necessarily a hero in my eyes—she was, truthfully, one of the most broken people I’ve ever known. And yet, despite that, she accomplished some pretty incredible feats of normalcy: she did life, held down jobs, put herself through school, and raised two daughters. No, she wouldn’t have won a “Best Mother” award—but considering what she endured as both a child and an adult, she succeeded in ways that still surprise me. Things most people would consider just part of everyday life were so much more difficult for her. In that regard, she really was a Superwoman.

She was molested by her father from the age of about 5 or 6 until she left home at 15. She got pregnant and then married, mostly because she was desperate to get out of the house. She lost that first child, but went on to have my sister at 16 and me at 17. After I was born, she left her husband and, somehow—just a girl of 18—set out to raise us on her own… ish. She put herself through cosmetology school and became a hairdresser, while working as a go-go dancer at night. I say she raised us by herself, but in truth, she leaned heavily on family members and babysitters to help care for us. There were even a few people who offered to adopt us, but she refused to give us up. She wanted to keep being our mom.

 “When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Matthew 14:14

That was her “good” side. On the flip side, because of her trauma, she lived with DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and had about four or five different personalities. She struggled with alcoholism and dabbled in drugs. After she passed, I read one of her journals and, after reading about the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, she wrote that it described her perfectly—and she wondered if that’s what she had. Because of the abuse she’d endured, she only understood love through sex. There were many men in her life as she was always in search of “the right one.” Her relationships always began full of promise but inevitably ended in disaster, time after time, doing more and more damage to her already-fragile self.

When I was a teenager, she attempted suicide at least three times that I know of. I mourned her death—sometimes even hoped for it—just so she could finally be free from her misery. I lost count of how many times I grieved her while she was still alive. I left home at 16 because life had become so chaotic. The constant drama of anger, fighting, alcohol, and pain was too much. I felt I had a better chance of surviving on my own than staying in that environment.

As a young adult, I still longed for her acceptance and approval—but I never really felt like I got it. I’ve always been a people-pleaser, an approval-seeker, and all I wanted was to make her happy. But she was impossible to please and never seemed happy with me. My sister and I used to joke—though it wasn’t very funny—that we took turns being on what we called her “black list.” If we didn’t behave exactly the way she wanted, we were on the list.

At one point in my life, I completely lost it. I had once again been hit with her disapproval, and after I hung up the phone, something in me snapped. I started screaming and flailing on the bed like I was being attacked by a monster—pounding the pillows and mattress with all my might. Tom came running into the room, trying to figure out what was happening, and found me a sobbing, ugly mess. Eventually, I calmed down. I thought I’d feel better afterward—like maybe I’d released something—but instead, I was surprised to feel nothing at all. Just empty. Numb.

Shortly after that, I gave my life to the Lord, married Tom, had kids, and eventually moved to North Carolina to help start a church. Whenever we traveled back to California to visit Tom’s family, I always tried to carve out time to see my own. On one of those visits, I called my mom to let her know I was in town and asked if we could meet at the bottom of the mountain—she lived up in Crestline, in the San Bernardino mountains. But she acted like it was the biggest inconvenience I could have possibly asked and flat-out refused. I had just flown across the country and was ready to drive two hours to see her, but she couldn’t be bothered to go twenty minutes out of her way to see me.

I felt an emotional switch flip inside me. Unlike before, this wasn’t an outward explosion—it was a quiet, internal shift. I heard the Lord gently remind me that I didn’t need my mom’s acceptance or approval. He told me I already had His unconditional love and approval—and that was all that truly mattered. I believe that “switch” was God’s mercy for me. From that point on, I shut my mom off emotionally. Later, when she started calling repeatedly in drunken rages, I cut her off completely. It was my son who finally answered the nonstop ringing phone and yelled at her to stop calling. She eventually did—and I didn’t speak to her for three years.

“Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.” Matthew 20:34

 By this time, she was on state disability because her trauma had manifested physically as rheumatoid arthritis. After a lifetime of smoking, she also had COPD. Emotionally, she couldn’t even pretend to function in the world as a “normal” person anymore. So, the state assigned her a caretaker named Cecilia, who was available as needed to make sure she took her medication, ate properly, and managed daily life.

Fast forward to the end of those three years of silence on my part—God gave me a gift. Those years allowed me to focus on my own healing, and by then, I was in a much better place. In October 2003, Tom’s parents called him, asking where my mom lived because they’d heard about the terrible fires in Crestline and were worried about her. That prompted me to reach out to my sister and aunt, who were also in the area, to find out what was going on. Neither answered their phones due to the mandatory evacuation. So, I took a deep breath, hoping my mom wouldn’t pick up either—but she did. It was like we had just talked yesterday; everything between us felt normal. She told me how bad the fires were and how she refused to evacuate because she didn’t want to leave her home. That phone call opened the door for many more conversations to come.

The gift God gave me was that my mom shared how Cecilia, her caretaker, had led her to the Lord—and how she finally found the man she had been searching for her whole life: Jesus Christ. I sat down and wept tears of amazement, gratitude, and joy. After that, we shared many meaningful phone calls, asked each other for forgiveness, and I truly felt we both found closure. The smoke and ash from the fire worsened her COPD, and she passed away seven months later, on May 16, 2004, at age 61. But God used that fire to bring me the gift of reconciliation and peace. Only God. If I hadn’t called, I would have missed that precious gift of those last months of connection.

After she passed, I remember driving down the mountain after taking care of her things when the song “I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe came on the radio. I wept again—but this time, they were tears of awe and release—as I pictured her dancing before Jesus, finally free from pain, finally at peace, safe in His arms. I didn’t grieve her loss; I had done that too many times before. Instead, I felt the joy of her salvation—the peace and freedom I had always hoped she would find.

Of course, this is the “Reader’s Digest” version— just a glimpse of some key moments so you can understand the next part of my story.

When Tom and I were talking about his father, I felt a nudge from God to write this blog. This isn’t something I would randomly choose to share on my own. I’ve told these stories to very few people in my life. Even now, I find myself wondering why God is prompting me to do this—but I’m choosing to trust Him and be obedient.

“Jesus called his disciples to him and said, "I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat..." Matthew 15:32

Before I go any further, I want to preface this next part by saying that, throughout my Christian walk, I’ve often prayed that God would help me see people the way He does—to look past outward behavior and see their hearts through His eyes, with love, compassion, and grace. I certainly haven’t gotten it right every time, but I do believe God answered that prayer when it came to my mom.

The stories I’m about to share won’t be easy—for me to write, or possibly for you to read. So before I continue, I want to gently remind you that this is my story—my testimony and my journey. I don’t expect anyone else to have the same experience or path. God works with each of us so uniquely and personally. But my prayer is that, through sharing this, you might find hope, healing, or even freedom—for yourself or for someone you care about.

This first story took place when Tom and I were working as innkeepers at the bed and breakfast—probably around 2015, about ten years ago. We were having a conversation about emotionally broken people. Tom said something that really struck me: “It’s hard to know how broken people are, because they look so normal on the outside. And because they look normal, we expect them to act normal.” Then he added, “Like your mom—she looked perfectly normal, but she was truly a broken soul.”

Then he asked, “What if people looked as broken on the outside as they are on the inside?”

And in that moment, God lifted me up in the Spirit and dropped me into a vision;

 In the vision, I was standing in the kitchen doorway at the Inn, looking down at my mom—only now, she appeared as broken on the outside as she had always been on the inside. She was crumpled on the floor in front of me, a puddle of torn flesh and shattered bones. Her head rested on top of this broken mass, eyes pleading, and her arms—from elbows to fingertips—were reaching up toward me, like she was trying to hug me.

Then I saw myself. I was standing there with my hands on my hips, glaring down at her with anger and disdain. In my heart, I was stubbornly insisting that she “be like everyone else”—that she stand up and hug me like a normal person.

When the Lord showed me my own heart—full of anger, pride, and arrogance— I was immediately humbled to my core. When I realized what I had unknowingly been doing, my heart ached. I was overwhelmed with compassion for my mom.

In the vision, I dropped to my knees, wrapped my arms around her, and finally accepted the broken love she had tried to give me—love I had missed my whole life. I began to sob, both in the vision and in real life. Even now, as I recall that moment, the emotion still brings me to tears.

God gave me the gift of seeing her through His eyes—with His understanding and compassion. And in that moment, He gave me the ability to accept my mom’s broken love.

“Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Mark 1:41

That experience was truly life-changing for me. I had no idea how much anger I had been carrying in my heart my whole life. But in that moment, the anger was released, and I was finally free! I felt more joy and happiness than I ever had before. Tom even says I became a different person—more playful and sillier than he’d ever seen me before. Only God can bring that kind of freedom.

As a side note, I did not feel guilt, shame, or condemnation for my inability to see my mom that way before. Instead, I felt incredibly blessed that God loved me enough to reveal what was in my heart and free me from the bondage of the anger, hurt and pain.

 Now, on to the next story. As you can probably imagine, being raised by someone so deeply broken, I couldn’t avoid becoming broken myself. I wasn’t a “bad” person, but I was incredibly needy—constantly searching for acceptance and approval. That longing led me into promiscuity at a young age. I had my first sexual experience at 14, and by the time I was 18, I had been with over 30 partners (yes, I actually kept track for some reason).

But then, at 18, I met Tom. And I haven’t been with anyone else in the 46 years since. That, too, is nothing short of a miraculous gift from God!

I was born in 1960 and was a teenager in the 70’s and my mom and stepfather were caught up in the free love, hippy era and when I was about 12, they talked about teaching my sister and I how to have sex, by being our first ones. I really didn’t think twice about it, not really knowing at the time what that meant and how inappropriate it was! They also wanted to be the first ones to get us high, saying they would prefer us to be at home getting high than out somewhere else with strangers that might take advantage of us… Yep, they actually thought, and said that! And then did it!! I was about 12 or 13 when they gave me my first joint!

And the other scenario happened when I was 15 (1975). My sister was not with us at the time as she had run away from home when she was 14 and was placed in Juvenile Hall and then in foster care. Instead, it was my step brother. My parents did not know at the time that I had already had my first sexual experience so they proceeded like I hadn’t. We all got high and then went into the bedroom, mom with my step bother, and me with my step dad.

Afterwards, I went into my room and crawled to bed, kind of dazed and confused, wondering what just happened. And then, unexpectedly, my mom came into my room and proceeded to have sex with me. I was surprised and still in shock. I didn’t protest, I just laid there and tried to wrap my mind around what was happening. I didn’t feel any pleasure… I didn’t feel anything, emotionally or physically. I was completely shut down, maybe even dissociated. Then she left and we never once spoke about that night or what she did.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

It took decades before I could even tell my husband. I could talk about all the men from my past, but I could never bring myself to talk about that night. Just thinking about it filled me with shame and embarrassment. The last thing I wanted was talk about it or to tell someone.

In 2001, I began having fits of unexpected, uncontrollable sobbing. I had no idea where the emotion was coming from. Sometimes, I’d be at work and have to retreat to the bathroom because I couldn’t hold back the tears. I was so confused—I didn’t understand what was happening inside me. Eventually, I decided to see a therapist. And it was during that time that I was finally able to share that story with someone for the first time.

My therapist helped me process what had happened and I came to understand that my mother truly was incapable of being a mom—incapable of nurturing me in a healthy way—because she was so deeply broken herself.

But I think what helped me most was simply talking about it. Getting it out into the open allowed healing to finally begin.

The next step in my healing came about seven or eight years ago. I was working with a woman in the Life Coaching ministry, and we were going through various workbooks together. I always say that I haven’t “arrived” in my healing, but I’ll lock arms with the women God brings to me, and we’ll walk the journey together.

After we completed one workbook, she suggested another resource for us to explore: The Twelve Steps of Adult Children workbook (for Adult Children of Alcoholics). God used that book in a profound way to help me see that experience in a healing way. One of the exercises asked about traumatic experiences, and I listed that time with my mom as one of mine.

Up until that point, I had never gone back and looked at that night in any real detail. But when the Lord gently brought me back to it, I was amazed by something I had never noticed before.

As I recalled that night, it struck me how different she was toward me—more gentle, complimentary, and kinder than I had ever known her to be. This was not the mom I had always known. She had never treated me with such love and tenderness before. I was truly dumbfounded.

Then the Lord reminded me that, because her own father had molested her so young and for so long, she simply didn’t know how to show love any other way. This was the first time she was able to express how much she loved me—in the only way she knew how. Wow. That realization was incredibly revelatory. Once again, God helped me see my mom through His eyes, and understand the broken love she had for me. It was yet another layer of healing and compassion.

Again, this is my healing journey. I’m not condoning what she did, but rather sharing how my amazing Lord has given me insight, healing, and freedom from the trauma and abuse I experienced. She showed me love in the only way she knew how. It was broken love—but it was the only love she had, and she risked doing something extreme to show me how much she loved me.

Broken love is a reality, and we all have it —whether from our families, relationships, or even from ourselves. Maybe her love seemed more broken than most, but through God’s perfect love, healing is possible. My journey has shown me that no matter how deep the wounds, His grace can transform brokenness into beauty, anger into compassion, and pain into peace.

I pray that you will invite God to heal and restore you and that you will trade in your broken love for His perfect Love. His love is patient, kind, and powerful enough to make all things new.

“He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man.” John 2:25

Here are some closing questions;

• Have you ever prayed to see people through the eyes of Christ?
• Is there someone in your life you need to see with His compassion, grace, and mercy?
• Could it be that you need to see yourself through His eyes of compassion?

Father, thank You for the revelations You have given me and for those moments of clarity and compassion that only You can provide. I pray that my testimony will inspire someone else to trust You with their heart—so they, too, can receive Your perfect, healing, transforming love.

Come to Me… And I will Give you Rest

 "Come to me, all you who are weary and Heavy-laden, and I will give you rest… For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28–30

The Struggle to Rest

When you read that scripture, how do you feel? Do you lean into it and crave that rest but can’t quite grasp or reach it? #Me too!!

Recently, I had a conversation with my cousin about how we’re both “doers” — always busy, always thinking about what’s next on the list or what I should be doing. It was this conversation that sparked this blog. For me, rest feels elusive. I often think about this, and write about it, because it is something I desire to find and yet it seems unattainable!

I call myself a “Martha” trying hard to learn the ways of “Mary.” I want to be content just sitting at Jesus’ feet — not continually striving, just being with Him. But… is that even possible? Can we be productive, responsible people and still truly find rest?

Redefining Productivity and Rest

I’m definitely wired as a “doer.” When I’m idle, I feel like I should be accomplishing something — and if I’m not, I feel guilty or lazy. On the flip side, when I’m productive, I feel good about myself. So, I struggle with this whole “rest” thing. In thinking about this now: Maybe my definitions of productivity and rest need to change?

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns... See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin." Matthew 6:26-28. 

Yes, redefining rest is exactly what I need to do. As I ponder this, I can see how productivity isn’t only physical. It can be found in being still, in listening, in worship, in simply sitting at the Father’s feet (Like Mary!). Maybe rest doesn’t always mean inactivity — maybe it’s about trusting while we move.

What Is My Motive?

The more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s not about whether I’m doing something or not — it’s about the why. What’s driving me? Is it fear, anxiety, people-pleasing, pride? Am I doing it because I believe it’s all on my shoulders? Am I feeling like I am the ONLY one who can do it right!? I say these things because all have been true for me throughout my life… (insert cringe emoji here)

Now that I reconsider this scripture, when the Lord spoke to Martha He said "Martha, Martha... you are worried and upset about many things..." 

He didn’t criticize her activity — He addressed her worry. That was the real issue. Mary, on the other hand, wasn’t caught up in anxiety. She had chosen the better thing — to emotionally rest at His feet. "...but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42 

So maybe the question isn’t, “Should I be doing less?” but “Can I do what I do from a place of rest?”

Where Do We Find That Rest?

Like Mary, Jesus invites us to focus solely on Him. I picture a parent gently taking their child’s face in their hands and saying, “Look at me.” Isn’t that what He does with us? We’re buzzing around with a million things on our to-do list, and He softly says, “Look at Me.”

Years ago, I learned a way to study Scripture by emphasizing different words in a phrase. Let’s pretend we are the child and Jesus is holding our face and saying:

• “Look at ME.”
• “LOOK at me.”
• “Look AT me.”

Did reading it in this way change anything for you? It may not be a big, profound change, but maybe a small subtle one? When I read these words, in those three different ways, I do feel like a child that needs to be strongly encouraged to stop, to pay attention and to listen. I am suddenly aware that something is important here and that I may miss it if I don't look at Him.

Each version says something a little different. It’s as if He’s reminding us not just to look, but understand who we’re looking at. And He does this, not with harshness, but with love — and with a smile that says, “I know this is hard for you, and I’m here.”

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28-30

Now let’s try it again with:

• “Come to ME.”
• “COME to me.”
• “Come TO me.”

I don’t know about you but, sometimes I need some extra time and encouragement to really "GET" things, lol! So, repeating this exercise is helpful to me to hear and see what He is saying!

And in that “Come to me…” invitation, He adds: “Take My yoke upon you…”

Could it be that His “yoke” is about trust? About exchanging our fear and control for faith? That we stop carrying burdens we were never meant to bear — and start walking with Him instead of ahead of, or without Him?

A Shift in Perspective

Let’s try to visualize two scenarios’: you're doing the same task — maybe working, cleaning, helping someone — but in one version, you're carrying the full weight and burden yourself, anxious, stressed, tense and resentful. In the other, you're doing the same things only alongside Jesus, yoked with Him, trusting Him, and letting go of the fear and anxiety. Same action, completely different results in spirit, attitude, and feelings.

That’s the shift I’m trying to lean into: learning that rest isn’t necessarily stillness — it’s actually more about surrender. Wow. What a great perspective shift!

Oswald’s Reminder

Interestedly, Oswald’s May 18^th devotion emphasizes a similar thing:

Living Simply --- Yet Focused

​Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?​ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?​ And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.​ Matthew 6:26​-28

“Jesus is teaching here that growth in our spiritual life comes not from focusing directly on it, but from concentrating on our Father in heaven… if we will stay focused on Him, instead of our circumstances, we will grow spiritually — just as ‘the lilies of the field.’”

That makes so much sense. Our hearts grow at rest when we stop obsessing over outcomes and refocus our eyes on Him.

Resting in His Yoke

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."  John 14:1

Sometimes I struggle to articulate a concept that I feel, but can’t quite put into words. So let me try to recap what I’m learning:

• God invites us to REST in Him, not just physically, but also in our heart and mind.
• We can be active and productive while still walking in His rest and peace.
• Rest comes from trust, not just from stillness.
• The kind of rest Jesus offers is only found in Him; we can’t manufacture it ourselves. 

“…he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Mark 6:31 

---

Final Thought

What if true rest isn’t about stopping… but about surrendering?

What if it’s not about doing less… but about trusting more?

Thank you, Father for helping me to redefine, see, understand, and embrace YOUR concept of REST! Help me to fully grasp and live it out each day. Help me to take YOUR Yoke and leave my restlessness, fear and anxiety behind. I do believe in this, help me overcome my unbelief! In Jesus’ name, amen!

What Were You Thinking?!!

 

The Power of our Thoughts

If you are like me, after reading the blog title, you had flashbacks of your childhood and your parents asking you, in a variety of tones and volumes, "What were you thinking!!?" And I would reply, usually with a confused or blank look on my face "I don't know?". Somehow actually "thinking" about what I was going to do never entered my mind… I just did it! What was this "thinking about it" stuff anyway? It just seemed like the thing to do at the time! Lol!

But as I’ve grown in my walk with the Lord, that question—“What were you thinking?!”—has taken on a whole new meaning. It’s no longer just about childhood impulses but about the power of our thoughts and how they impact our lives... and the lives of others.

Taking every thought Captive

A few years back... ok maybe a couple decades ago now that I think about it, lol, I was invited to join a Bible study and one of the scriptures in this study was; 

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

At that time, this thought was revolutionary to me! I was like 'Wait…what!? I can actually DO that? I can take my thoughts captive?!'

You see, I had been plagued with thoughts that ran amuck in all sorts of unpleasant directions! I would imagine my husband or children having horrible accidents, and before I knew it, I was emotionally wrecked, mentally living out these tragedies that hadn’t even happened! Or I would be mad at my husband for imagined or misunderstood slights, then dwelled on everything he did wrong. Or I would rehash conversations I had, or wished I had... over and over again. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. 

Once the Lord gave me this scripture, I began learning how to take those thoughts captive, to rein them in, and replace them with the truth. I began thanking God for the safety of my family, choosing to remember all the good things about my husband, and letting go of the past so I could move forward.

It certainly wasn't easy at first, it was like trying to use an atrophied muscle, in this case, my floppy grey matter, lol! But over time, that mental muscle grew stronger and I got better at catching those downward spirals and turning them around faster.

When I say “replace negative thoughts with the truth,” I mean literally replacing them with scripture. Here are a few of my go-to verses:

When my mind goes down anxious rabbit holes, I lean on this one; 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6. 

And this one is great to rein in all kinds of wayward thoughts:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8 

Another one I turn to when I’m struggling to trust in God's provision:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33 

Making up my Mind

This blog was inspired the other day as I was listening to the Bible and I heard this verse:

"But make up your mind not to worry... " Luke 21:14

And it hit me the same way 2 Corinthians 10:5 did. Not only can we take our thoughts captive, but we can also "make up our minds" to do, or not to do. We can be intentional about what we think, say, and do! In this verse, the topic is "worry". Which means we can actually decide, yes, we can make up our mind, NOT to worry! And instead, we can choose to trust God. This IS within our ability! Is that as revolutionary to you as it was to me?

We can so easily believe the lie that we have no control over our thoughts—that worry, fear, or anxiety just “happen.” We tell ourselves, “I can’t help it,” or “That’s just the way I am.” Granted, there are many things in life we can’t control—but our thoughts? That’s one thing we do have control over!

Another scripture that speaks to this idea is:

"Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." Romans 14:13 

This is another important topic to ponder. How often have we passed judgement on others, consciously or not? I’ll admit, I am as guilty as anyone in this regard. But I have been working on it! When I catch myself heading down that judgmental road, I stop and remind myself that I’m no better. I’ve made the same or similar mistakes. Who am I to judge? I make up my mind not to pass judgment. Of course, this is still a work in progress, lol. (see Matthew 7:1).

Searching the Scriptures

So, after my recent discovery of the “make up your mind” verse, I decided to search for other scriptures pertaining to our "minds". I have listed a couple above but here are a few more;

"Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."  Matthew 16:23

In this verse, Jesus tells Peter that he has in mind the things of MEN and not of GOD. What does that even mean?? How do we know the difference between the things of God or man? I am sure Peter was astounded by Jesus' rebuke thinking, "I thought I DID have in mind the things of GOD!"

I don’t have all the answers here, but from what I’ve learned so far, God’s perspective is almost always eternal, not temporal. When we are focused on worldly comforts or quick fixes, we usually have the mindset of man. But when we shift our focus to Him, seeking His will and trusting His timing, He faithfully leads us. A heart and mind set on Him opens the door to God’s eternal purpose, not just temporary relief. 

Here is another verse along these lines:

"Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things." Philippians 3:19 

Loving God with my Mind

"He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'... " Luke 10:27 

In this scripture Jesus asks us to love God with everything! Our heart, soul, strength, and mind. That tells me the mind can be excluded too. Maybe we love Him with our heart, or maybe our heart and strength, but forget the mind. He wants all of it.

What does loving God with our mind look like?

After pondering this for a minute, this scripture came to mind:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Apparently, our minds need to be renewed and transformed!! And once they are, we will have a much better idea of what God's good, perfect, and pleasing will is.

Another way we can love Him with our minds is by thinking about him all the time. Keeping Him at the forefront of our minds, talking about Him, and to Him, throughout our day. Just like it says in Deuteronomy 11:18-21;

“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many …”

The Battlefield of the Mind

"Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done" Romans 1:28

This verse is sobering. If we don’t value the knowledge of God, we can be given over to a depraved mind. Yikes!! That’s not something I want to experience!

"...but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." Romans 7:23 

Our minds are a battleground. This reminds me of Joyce Meyer’s book Battlefield of the Mind. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it! I even got the daily devotional, which really helped strengthen my thought life and “grey matter.” 😊

 

The Spirit Controlled Mind

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace..." Romans 8:6 

Here again, we see the power of choice: our minds can be controlled by sin and death—or by the Spirit, which brings life and peace. I’m learning more and more how powerful our thoughts truly are. They really can bring life... or death. Wow.

This might not be new information to you. Maybe you feel like you already have

great control over your thoughts—and that’s awesome! But I think this topic is important enough for all of us to pause and check in with ourselves. Maybe some areas of our thinking could use a little refreshing or “spring cleaning.”

So, what ARE you thinking?

Based on the scriptures I have listed, here is a little thought-life checkup:

• ·       Are you taking your thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ?
• ·       Are you thinking of things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy?
• ·       Do you have in mind the things of God or of man?
• ·       Have you made up your mind not to worry, fear, or be anxious?
• ·       Are you choosing gratitude over grumbling?
• ·       Is your mind conformed to the pattern of this world or are you being transformed by the renewing of your mind?
• ·       Is your mind controlled by the Spirit of life and peace or by something else? 
• ·       Are you “cycling through” negative thoughts over and over?

Practical Ways to Renew Your Mind:

Ok, let me end with a summary of the ways, that I have learned, to rein in my crazy, floppy grey matter:

• ·       Recognize negative thoughts and replace them with scripture.
• ·       Be intentional about what you allow into your mind.
• ·       Talk to God, and about God, daily.
• ·       Focus on gratitude over worry.
• ·       Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts

Thank you, Father for these scriptures and insights into our minds, and how powerful our thoughts can be. Help us, Lord, to take every thought captive and make them obedient to Christ. And help us to surrender our minds to You so that we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. In Jesus name! Amen.

"This calls for a mind with wisdom. ..." Revelation 17:9 

Worry, Fear and.... Unforgiveness

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

The other day I was thinking about recent conversations I have had with some Christian friends and was marveling once again at how easily and quickly we fall into worry and fear. As I was pondering this, the Lord spoke to my heart and said:

"Fear is like unforgiveness in that, the only one it hurts is YOU"!

Wow. Ok, Lord! I had never thought about it in that way before, but after a few moments of thought, I realized just how true that was!

Unforgiveness

I have heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person —the one we refuse to forgive— to die! There is so much written about unforgiveness available in books, podcasts, and sermons, so I won't belabor it, but the bottom line is, if we expect unforgiveness to hurt the other person, we are mistaken.

Unforgiveness only hurts us and can cause debilitating anger, resentment, and bitterness in our own hearts while the other person we refuse to forgive may be completely unaware and unaffected. 

Let's look at worry, fear and anxiety

Worry, fear and anxiety are basically all the same in that they result from a lack of faith and trust in God. There are many studies that show how worry and anxiety affect our mental and physical health in dramatic and devastating ways. When we allow fear and worry to consume us, our bodies and minds take the hit, just like unforgiveness.

So just like unforgiveness, when we fear or worry, the only one that is affected by it, is us! 

You Choose

I get an email from Project Happiness every day and one day I got one that said:

"Faith and Fear both demand that you believe in something you cannot see. You choose".

I was like, Whoa!! That was profound! It puts things, regarding faith and fear, in a whole new perspective that I hadn't seen before. We can’t see either of them but we actually DO have a choice!

What Does the Bible Say About Fear

How many times in the Bible does it say "Do not fear"? I have heard that it was 365 times – once for each day of the year-- but decided to verify that myself and found this website: Does the Bible say "Fear not" 365 times? 

Sadly, according to the website, that saying is not true but, depending on your version of the Bible, it does say it 70 to 100 times, which is still a lot of times!

The website lists these very good and impactful scriptures:

• "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9 
• “But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."  Isaiah 43:1

• “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10

After a quick search myself, I pulled out these scriptures:

·       "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 

·       "So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6 

·       "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 

·       "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

After reading these scriptures, I can't help but wonder: Why do we fall into fear so easily!?

We have an amazing, powerful, loving, righteous God who knows us intimately, calls us His own, promises that He will provide for us and protect us and vows that He will never leave us or forsake us!! So why do we still struggle with fear??

Maybe it is because we don’t know him, love Him or trust Him like we thought we did??

A Personal Lesson in Trust

One day during our "Crazy Journey" back in 2007 and 2008 (which I share in From Caterpillars to Butterfly's), things were not going at all the way we thought they would go (very much like the disciples believing Jesus, as the Messiah, was going to restore Israel by becoming an earthy king) and I was full of stress, anxiety and fear, and the Lord asked me:

 "Linda, do you trust me?"

I said, “Yes Lord, I trust you.”

He asked me again:

"Linda, do you trust me?"

I answered, “Yes Lord, I trust you!”

And he asked again:

"Linda, do you trust me?"

At that point I couldn’t help but laugh out loud because it sounded SO familiar! He had done the same thing to Peter when he asked him three times if he loved him. (John 21:16-17)

But God had made His point and impressed upon my heart that, while I was saying I trusted Him, I truly did NOT trust him like I thought I did. I knew I should trust him, and wanted to trust him, but when the chips were down, and the rubber met the road, it was clear that I wasn’t as surrendered and trusting as I wanted to be.

The Journey of Trust

Isn’t that what our “Journey to Know God” is all about? To build our relationship with the Lord, through the circumstances He allows in our lives, so that we can grow in our knowledge and love of Him so much that we can trust Him with anything and everything that comes our way.

To have no fear in life no matter what happens because we KNOW that God is with us... even unto death.

We all experience moments of fear when something threatens, which is natural. But living in fear or being fearful shows how little we actually trust God.

The irrationality of Fear

Speaking of “even unto death.” There is a show I like to watch called "The Irrational" and it is about a world-renowned behavioral scientist who specializes in people's irrational behavior and the ways they make illogical decisions. As Christians, I think it is irrational for us to fear death.

Why are we so afraid of dying? If our belief is that we will be with our amazing God when our physical form dies, how can that possibly be a bad thing or something to fear? Why do we pray so hard for believers who are dying to be healed when we know they will be in a far better place, out of pain and suffering and with our loving Savior? And why do we get so angry at Him if He doesn’t heal?

It seems so irrational for us to be afraid and worry as much as we do when we have so many scriptures, promises and experiences of God taking care of us.

Worry Makes Us Unfruitful

In the parable of the Soils, it says: 

"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: ... The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." Matthew 13:18-23 

This is yet another perspective of how worry and fear can be harmful to us!! It can make us "unfruitful" for the Kingdom.

If the world sees Christians being just as fearful, anxious, stressed, and worried as they are, why would they want what we have?? Our witness therefore becomes ineffective and fruitless for the Kingdom.

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

​​

I love Oswald’s February 21^st devotional as it gives some insight as to how we can demonstrate our love to God:

​Do You Really Love Him?
Mark 14:6​ - ​"Leave her alone, said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.​"

If what we call love doesn't take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love. If we have the idea that love is characterized as cautious, wise, sensible, shrewd, and never taken to extremes, we have missed the true meaning. This may describe affection and it may bring us a warm feeling, but it is not a true and accurate description of love​...

… To be surrendered to God is of more value than our personal holiness. Concern over our personal holiness causes us to focus our eyes on ourselves, and we become overly concerned about the way we walk and talk and look, out of fear of offending God. ". . . but perfect love casts out fear . . ." (1Jo_4:18). We should quit asking ourselves, "Am I of any use?" and accept the truth that we really are not of much use to Him. The issue is never of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. Once we are totally surrendered to God, He will work through us all the time.

​Our value to him is being able to bear fruit, fruit that will last (John 15:16). When we completely surrender to Him, without fear, worry or anxiety, THEN God can work through us and produce fruit for His Kingdom.

Is our love for God taking us beyond ourselves? Or are we so focused on ourselves and concerned about what others think? In the Oswald scripture, Mary was all IN and didn’t care a bit what others thought. Jesus’ perfect love for her cast out her fear.

So, let’s ask ourselves: Are we holding onto fear the way some people hold onto unforgiveness?

Insight from Chet

As a finishing touch, I thought I would end with Chet's (AI ChatGPT) input on this subject:

I asked Chet: "Biblically speaking, would you agree that worry and unforgiveness are similar?"

Chet: Yes, biblically speaking, worry and unforgiveness share similarities because both involve a lack of trust in God and can weigh heavily on the heart.

1. Lack of Trust in God – Worry stems from fear of the future, while unforgiveness often comes from holding onto past hurts. Both suggest a struggle to fully surrender to God’s control. Jesus emphasized trust in Matthew 6:25-34, urging His followers not to worry because God provides. Likewise, Paul encourages believers to "forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32), showing that forgiveness is a form of trust in God's justice and mercy.

(Tom: Actually, it is the Cross of Christ that bought forgiveness for us, not God’s justice and mercy. Those were WHY Jesus came and died for us. So our trust is in the finished work of the Cross.)

2. Bondage vs. Freedom – Worry keeps a person trapped in anxiety, just as unforgiveness keeps them chained to resentment. Both can consume thoughts, emotions, and spiritual well-being. Jesus came to set people free (John 8:36) and offered peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).
3. Hindrance to Prayer and Relationship with God – Both worry and unforgiveness can hinder a close relationship with God. Jesus taught that if we do not forgive, our Father will not forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). Similarly, worry can distract from a prayerful, trusting heart and lead to self-reliance rather than faith.
4. Spiritual Warfare – The enemy often uses worry and unforgiveness to keep believers ineffective. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to take every thought captive to Christ, whether it’s fear-driven worry or bitterness from past offenses.

So, in a way, both worry and unforgiveness are burdens that weigh down the soul, and God calls His people to release both into His hands. 

​Brilliant!!

Father, thank you so much for this insight!! Please help me to know you more so that I would love you more and then learn to trust you more. I truly don't want to be weighed down by the burdens of worry and fear. And I don’t want to be unfruitful in my walk with You. Please open my eyes to see you in new, wonderful, transforming, and trusting ways. And help me to surrender any unforgiveness, worry, fear and anxiety that are both large and hidden in my heart. In Jesus name, amen.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28   

“Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom” Luke 12:32

“He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.” Matthew 8:26

“But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." Matthew 14:27

“Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe." Mark 5:36

“Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Revelation 2:10