What Are You Saying?

 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21

In April of this year I wrote a blog called What Are You Thinking?!! Now I want to talk about what are we saying because over the years I have noticed, in myself and in others, that we tend to forget just how powerful our words can be. Whether we are speaking to others or to ourselves, our words have a tremendous impact, positively or negatively. 

God said we were created in His image (Genesis 1:27) and He spoke this world, and everything in it, into existence! Now, I know we don't have His power to speak tangible things into existence, but I do believe our words have the power to lift up, or tear down, to encourage or damage, to bring life or death to ourselves and to others.

What we say to our spouse and to others

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” – Proverbs 16:24

Have you noticed the power and impact of words in your own life? I have, and I have also noticed how negative speech is everywhere, especially on TV. Sitcom's, in particular, seem to thrive on sarcastic put downs, often women putting down and belittling men (because somehow, this is, OK?). They are couched as "funny comments" and everyone laughs along with the laugh track. But in reality, those words are incredibly harmful to both the speaker and the listener.

“Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” – Proverbs 21:23

We tend to focus mostly on how harmful words are to the person who hears them, but we don’t always think about how it harms the speaker too. When we repeat negative words often enough, especially in moments of anger or pain, we start to believe them ourselves. And the more negative things we think and speak, the more affected we are by them and we can become angry, negative, and embittered people. It shapes our perspective, poisons our relationships, and can even harden our hearts.

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” – Hebrews 3:13

I know this from experience. In my own brokenness, hurt, and anger from my past, I projected those things onto Tom. The more I thought and said negative things to and about him, the more I believed them.

The worst part was that he became the very man I accused him of being! It was like my words were literally creating the man I didn't want! No, Tom wasn’t perfect and his shortcomings weren’t all my doing. But constant criticism and negativity can cause someone to give up, convinced they can never do anything right.

Tom used to say "Every time I move, I lose"... Meaning, he felt like nothing he did was right and he could never make me happy. Ouch.

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” – Psalms 141:3

Years ago, I read this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."

This was a powerful and eye-opening statement for me. I like it because it encourages us to speak and think in positive terms towards our man, and others. I can't change him but I can change myself in how I think about, and speak to him and then allow God to do the rest.

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” – Proverbs 15:4

When coaching women who complain about their husbands, I often ask: "Would you want to come home to you?" That question usually stops them in their tracks, as they think about their behavior in a new light!

And when they tell me what they say to their husbands I ask: "how would you feel if those words were spoken to you?". Perspective changes everything.

“Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” – James 3:10

The truth is, positive words have just as much power as negative ones, but for some reason we default to the negative. Why do we do that!? Maybe it is our sin nature, maybe it is life in a fallen world?? I don't know but it seems like anything good for us is such a struggle! Eating right, exercising... Thinking and speaking positively! Doing these things takes so much thought, effort, and spiritual discipline.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

Thankfully, we have the Word of God to help us with this! The enemy of our souls would have us believe the lies, the negative words spoken to us, but God’s word gives us the Truth of who we are!

From Lie to Truth — Speaking God’s Word Instead

Words are not just sounds that pass from one person to another—they are seeds.

Every sentence we speak plants something: hope or despair, courage or fear, blessing or curse. Over time, those seeds take root in hearts and minds, shaping how we see ourselves, others, and even God.

But the good news is this: God’s truth is stronger than any lie. When we replace destructive words with His promises, we speak life into our children, our relationships, and our own hearts.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

Here are some common lies and then the truth from God’s word:

From Lie to Truth — Speaking God’s Word Instead

To Our Children

• Lie: “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  Truth: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” – Ephesians 2:10

• Lie: “Why can’t you be more like…?”
  Truth: “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

• Lie: “You’re so lazy/stupid.”
  Truth: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” – Proverbs 18:21

• Lie: “I’m disappointed in you.”
  Truth: “Love… always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7

---

To Our Spouse / Others

• Lie: “You always…” or “You never…”
  Truth: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

• Lie: “I don’t care.”
  Truth: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3

• Lie: “You’re just like your [negative comparison].”
  Truth: “Encourage one another and build each other up.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

• Lie: “It’s all your fault.”
  Truth: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18

---

To Ourselves

• Lie: “I’m such a failure.”
  Truth: “The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” – Psalm 145:14

• Lie: “I’ll never change.”
  Truth: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished.” – Philippians 1:6

• Lie: “I’m not good enough.”
  Truth: “You are chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession.” – 1 Peter 2:9

• Lie: “What’s the point?”
  Truth: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

• Lie: “I am so sinful, God can’t love me” Truth: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

The enemy’s goal has always been to twist truth into lies—lies about our worth, our future, and our identity. But Jesus said in John 8:32, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Final Encouragement

Of course, there are countless other encouraging truths in God’s Word. The key is to spend more time listening to and speaking His truth—not the lies of the enemy or of the world.

“For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night has been hurled down.” Revelation 12:10

Let’s make a pact to pay closer attention to our words and our thoughts. Are we leaning toward the negative? If so, why? Are we repeating things from our past that wounded us? Is fear shaping our speech?

Father, “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3) I pray this scripture over all of us today. Help us to choose our words wisely and heal the places in our hearts that influence what we say. In Jesus’ name, amen

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” – Matthew 12:36