Are you "Qualified"?

After I posted my last blog I started thinking about my views on training and education and felt like I needed to flesh that out a little more and clarify it for myself as well as for others. I want to reiterate that I have nothing against “formal” training and education but feel like, for me personally, God’s training and education looks a bit different and goes beyond just that. While I know that God specifically calls people to go through formal training, everyone’s journey is different and God’s directions and training will be different for each one of us, but I think there is one thing that we ALL need to remember no matter what our “education” looks like… But before I go there, let me first say this...

Oswald Chambers’ devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, if you haven’t figured this out by now, is one of my favorite devotions! Oswald was a teacher and set his heart on training others to be missionaries. But, what I like the MOST about Oswald is his intense focus on the student’s relationship with GOD and not on “missionary training”.  He is always telling his students that God wants their absolute surrender, and a “right relationship with Him”, and nothing less!! He says “Beware of being obsessed with consistency to your own convictions instead of being devoted to God”!!  One of my favorite “Oswaldisms” is when he says, “are you seeking the blessings of God, or are you seeking GOD who has the blessings?”!! This statement was a huge forehead slap for ME! I had not differentiated that before and once the Spirit pointed that out to me, I realized just how much I was seeking His blessings over my relationship with HIM! I still have to check myself on a regular basis to make sure I am still on track… it is SO easy to be distracted by cool spiritual “shiny things” and leave my pursuit of God in the dust of pursuit of His blessings!!

So, with that said, I think training and education is MOST effective, whether it is formal or not, when we are always seeking GOD to education us and not looking to man to train and educate us on how to serve God… Hopefully that makes sense. While God uses people for His purposes we need to keep our eyes on God for our knowledge, training, education and insight. Always seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness in every situation and trusting that God will take care of the rest… one day at a time. And for a little deeper clarification, I don’t think that it is our “formal” training and education that qualifies us, but God does. I read somewhere that “God doesn't choose the qualified, but qualifies the chosen…” I love that!  That is what we all need to remember! It is God who qualifies us as we seek HIM first, and pursue our relationship with Him, and trust Him with our own personalized training and education and not rely on the certificate hanging on our wall. I believe that our “formal” training from God is mostly in our “life” circumstances as He calls us to our specialized “classrooms”, which are the circumstances He allows in our lives. And yes, He may call you to a formal school training program, as one of YOUR specialized classrooms, on your journey to know Him.

So, in my musings on this topic I thought about the Biblical characters that were trained by God in their own unique and specialized “training” courses. Abraham’s training was in obedience, trust, faith and patience!! God told him he would have children as numerous as the sand on the sea shore and the stars in the sky but, he and Sarah were getting older and older and they still didn’t have any children… does he have faith that this will happen and believe in God for this promise or does he eventually think he just ate a bad squirrel and imagined it all? He did get to see the miracle of Isaac’s birth but We get to see the end of that story… Abraham just had to have faith that what God said would come to pass.

Joseph’s education in humility was pretty intense. He endured mistreatment from his brothers, slavery, and mistreatment from his master’s wife, imprisonment and neglect!! All these circumstances, or “class courses”, were specially designed by God to shape, mold and train Joseph to be the kind of leader God needed him to be in the end!!

Moses realized when he was a young man that God would use him to deliver His people from slavery, but God sent him out into the wilderness to herd sheep for 40 years as his training ground!! That makes me smile when I visualize him with the sheep, knowing he would be doing that very same thing with the Israelites in the desert for another 40 years! Moses was trained by God in that way so that he would be ready for God’s purposes when the time came.

For some New Testament examples, in Acts 4:13 it says “When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus” The disciples training ground was also a huge lesson in faith and believing that Jesus WAS the Son of God, even though Jesus didn’t do what they thought their Messiah would do! I am sure they had many doubtful moments but they hung in there and believed despite the confusing behavior of Jesus.

And in regards to Jesus, in Hebrews 5:8 it says “Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered”. It is a hard thing for us to imagine, but suffering is used by God in many ways for many reasons. It stands to reason that if God's Son suffered, than we will too... and suffering is not a bad thing when it is ordained by God, especially when we are able to see God even better having gone through it! Also, in Matthew 10:19-20 Jesus said “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Sometimes I “think” I know what to say in situations but I feel much better knowing that the Spirit of God is speaking instead of me!

And for me personally; initially my training and education was in my difficult childhood and struggles in my marriage for 21+ years. I was being refined and humbled by this process so that God could shape and mold me into the person He needs me to be for His Kingdom purposes… And, He is still at it!  My training is certainly not over but continues with each life circumstance He places before me. Of course in ALL our journeys there will be books we read, Bible studies we go through, sermons we hear and people who speak into our lives that will also serve to “educate us” but they are as God directs and not always a part of a standard training course.

The cool thing about God is that He is a BIG God and can do ANYTHING in ANY WAY He wants to! He is not limited by what we think He can do but can go above and beyond in so many ways! As an example, a women shared with me that God spoke to her through the words on her laundry detergent box!! Yep!! Her detergent box!! God had been preparing her for an important “word” and He used a detergent box to communicate this message to her.  This may be a strange way to speak to someone but the women was transformed that day by the words God spoke to her on that box of soap!! I LOVE God’s creativity :)

What is God’s special training ground for you?? Can you see His refining and educational purposes in your life’s circumstances?

Father, help me to always look to YOU and pursue my relationship with you, and nothing else, and allow you to orchestrate the circumstantial class rooms in my life! Please keep me focused on You and not on Your blessings or the things you can DO for me. Help me not to resent or miss the tools you use to shape, train, educate and mold me but instead I choose to embrace them knowing You placed them there for Your amazing purposes!! I want YOU Lord, and I will trust you with the rest.  With much love, Linda :)

I Want Your Weakness...

Tom brings the scripture up about the rich young ruler on a regular basis and once again, we were talking about it a couple days ago and there is so much in here I decided that we needed to write a blog on it:

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?" Why do you ask me about what is good? Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." Which ones? The man inquired. Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.' " All these I have kept, the young man said. "What do I still lack?" Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Matthew 19:16-22 (NIV)

In this scripture the rich young ruler believed he had a lot to offer Jesus and His ministry but Jesus said he needed to get rid of all that he had before he could follow him. He was a “rich young ruler” so he must have been a leader in the synagogue with wealth, power, authority and influence. He had a lot of confidence, self-righteousness and pride in himself and in his position. He had “kept” all the commandments that Jesus mentioned and was looking for the one “good” thing that would give him eternal life.  But Jesus said that he lacked one thing… He told him to sell all he had, give to the poor and he would have treasure in heaven. Then he could follow Him! The saddest part about this scene is that the young ruler went away!!! He was sorrowful but he chose his possessions and position over following Jesus, the only one who could give him eternal life… which is what he was asking for!! So, what did he lack??

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. Luke 9:23-24 (NIV)

Let’s face it, aren't we like this rich young ruler? Our possessions, education and talents are very valuable to us… sometimes they mean more to us than following Jesus. I think this story in the Bible needs more of our attention than we give it. It isn’t a metaphor or a parable spoken by Jesus but He really IS asking the young man, and us, to give it ALL UP before we can follow Him! I don’t think Jesus wants anything “we” can offer Him except our weakness, surrender and obedience. Anything else is worthless to Him (All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.”  Isaiah 64:6). Paul recalls what God said to him in 2 Corinthians 12:7 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness”

I have nothing against getting educated or trained in general but, for me personally, I have chosen not to get “formal” training in some areas of ministry because I know that I would tend to lean on my “training” or “education” rather than on God’s Holy Spirit to lead and guide me. I think, if we let Him, the Holy Spirit trains us as we surrender and trust HIM in all situations (It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God.' Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me. John 6:45). It may sound weird but, I feel better NOT knowing what God will do so that the Lord can do and say what He wants through me rather than me relying on my education and trying to do things MY way.

This blog could very easily go under the “Upside down” header because it is another very unnatural thing for us to do. In the world we are groomed, trained, educated and prepared for our careers and ministry, but in the Kingdom, God does things very differently… He wants us to TRUST Him, no matter what things look like and have faith in HIS good plan. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

Paul was a Pharisee of Pharisees, able to talk and reason with the Jews since he was one himself, he could explain things so they could understand, but he was sent as an apostle to the gentiles!! And Peter, an unschooled fisherman was sent as an apostle to the Jews! (Philippians 3:4, Acts 4:13 and Galatians 2:7) Does that make sense to us? They went to the people they were not “trained” for so that God could lead, guide and direct them in every way. I believe He wants us completely empty of ourselves, knowledge and expertise so he can fill us with Himself, His knowledge, love and compassion! We need to be broken bread and poured out wine, surrendered, and emptied. We need to be emptied before we can be filled… are we too full of ourselves for God to fill us up with Him??  I would have to confess my answer would have to be “yes”…  "Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NIV)

So what did the rich your ruler lack?? I believe he lacked the humility and the willingness to come to Jesus empty and weak with only his life to give. I believe he lacked the willingness to let it all go, all that the world deems valuable, and be emptied of himself so that he could be filled with Jesus. “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” 1 John 2:15

Is God calling me to let go of something (my children, my finances, my life…)? Is God calling you to let something go?

Lord, what you ask of me it so hard! It makes no sense to me at all! It goes against everything I have been taught and have known all my life, and against my logic, common sense and reason, yet you still ask it of me. Give me the strength and the courage to let it all go and follow you!! I choose YOU Lord. I want to be weak so that YOU can be strong!

Worldly Tokens

I titled this blog “Worldly Tokens” So, just to make sure we are all on the same page, tokens are the coins that you get at arcades, carnivals, and amusement parks that you can only spend at those particular places and are worthless any other place, right?

Ok so, what do I mean by “Worldly Tokens”? Well, let me back track a moment. I have been hearing, reading and thinking a lot about “Faith” and “Trust” in God lately. Sometimes I hear about miraculous healings from God and then at other times I hear people lamenting and crying out to God to heal painful and debilitating infirmities with no apparent answer. I see God do amazing things financially in some people’s lives while in others I see poverty and financial heartbreak. I see people who are full of happiness and joy when their world is falling apart all around them and then others who are angry and depressed because they didn't get to go on a trip or a cruise this year. All of these people say they have “faith” and are “believing for” and “trusting in” God for these things, because, that is all we need to do to get them… right? Just have faith as big as a mustard seed and believe that He can do these things and they will be done for you… right? So, why is it that we don’t see this in everyone’s lives? Why do some get healing and some don’t? Why are some people financially blessed more than others? Bear with me here and I will get back to the token things…

So, after we don’t get what we prayed and had faith for, we typically walk away with one of two conclusions (or sometimes both). First, that God is not who He says He is, not as big and powerful as we thought He was and ultimately can’t do what He promised.  Or, WE are not lovable and are broken in some way, undeserving, unworthy or too sinful for God to bestow upon us the things we have so diligently prayed and had faith for... these requests that seem like very “good” and “worthy” causes.

Ok, so this is my thought. What if we are trying to redeem “worldly” tokens from an “eternal” God? Let me explain a little better. What are the promises (or tokens) of the world? I think we can narrow them down to three main things which are, that you can be “Healthy, Wealthy and Happy”, right? All of the world’s focus is on beauty and health, having it YOUR way, and if you want it, you deserve it (wealth, fame and material things, men/women) so just strive for it and you will get it, and you will “live happily ever after”!! These are the messages we have heard since we were old enough to read and watch TV and they have been ingrained in us since we can remember. So, why wouldn’t we expect God to give us these good and worthy things? A “loving God” would want these things for us too, right? This is what I mean by trying to redeem worldly tokens with an eternal God. I am beginning to understand more and more that it doesn’t work the way we think it will because the world’s currency isn’t worth anything in God’s Kingdom. We keep handing Him these tokens and expecting him to redeem them but, He does not see the eternal value in them, they are worthless to Him. We also look at scripture through worldly filters, and try to make them fit the worldly promises and miss/dismiss all the ones that tell us of HIS promises and what He desires from/for us and what we can expect of Him. Yes, of this I am very guilty!

But I am seeing things a little differently now. It is not that God CAN’T do these things, or that we are not good enough or worthy of them, but that HIS values are ETERNAL and not temporal. He sees with different eyes and focuses on the blessings that will last for eternity. Yes, at times He will heal us and financially bless us, but MORE importantly, He focuses on things that will build our relationship with HIM. He created us for that very relationship. HE wants to be our “treasure” and the desire of our heart (Luke 12:34), He wants to be the pearl of great worth that we sell everything to buy (Matthew 13:46) and for us to love Him with ALL our heart, mind, soul and strength (Deuteronomy 10:12, 11:13, 13:3, 30:6, Matthew 22:37, Luke 10:27). He wants there to be NO OTHER God in our lives but HIM (Matthew 19:21, Luke 14:26, Matthew 10:37). He is jealous of anything we devote ourselves to more than Him because He knows that they will only hurt us and lead us astray. He is the only One that can fill our deepest needs because HE is the one who created us, loves us, knows us and died for us (Psalms 139). If you just read over that last sentence quickly, I encourage you to go back and read it again… slowly this time and think about each thing. “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11) We just need to understand what His definition of “good” is!

So, what are God’s promises and what does He want from us? Stop. I bet some of you did the same thing I did. Excitedly looking for a list of things to do thinking that if we could just “do” something, He will “give” us what we want…like a vending machine or some formula for giving us what we ask for. We like those “to do” lists don’t we!?  Believe it or not, what He wants is very simple… but maybe not so easy to do. He asks that we just seek Him first with all of our hearts (Matthew 6:33), fix our eyes on Him (Hebrews 12:2) and abide in Him so that He will abide in us (John 15) and when we do, I mean really do these things and make Him first in our lives, we will be BLOWN away by His amazing love, faithfulness and eternal blessings that the worldly promises will pale in comparison and nothing else will matter to us. He promises Love, Peace and Joy in the midst of all the trials and uncertainties of this world because we KNOW that He is Emanuel, God with us. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”(John 16:33). “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”(1 Peter 4:12-13) “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5). The Bible is FULL of scriptures that counter the world’s promises we just have to remove the filters and objectives and open our eyes and SEE them. He doesn't promise wealth but warns against the love of money, He doesn't promise health but says “by my stripes you have been healed” eternally!! His suffering was primarily to pay for our salvation and to restore our relationship with Him, not “temporal” healing. He doesn't promise “happiness” but joy and peace no matter what our circumstances are (Philippians 4:12).

Think about this; if we were all healthy, wealthy and happy, would we need him? I think not! We would be all self sufficient and would no longer cry out to Him for help because there would be no difficulties in life, nor would we even desire a relationship with Him. Can God give us wealth, health and happiness? Yes, of course He can but He longs for us to desire Him, and know and love HIM for eternity and not the temporal things of this world. Are you willing to trade in your worldly tokens for eternal ones?

Lord, I would like to exchange my “worldly tokens” for Your “eternal” ones. Help me to have faith and trust Your eternal perspective in all area’s of my life. Help me to see how much you love me even in my most difficult moments, trials and suffering. Help me to have faith in YOU and not in what you can do for me.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

(James 1:2-4)

Have you considered my servant Job…?

I recently listened to a sermon podcast and the minister made a comment about trials and difficulties in life, specifically divorce and the painful aftermath for all involved. He said something to the effect that “he didn't believe that God brought these difficulties upon us, but that he believed God redeems them for His glory”. When I heard that I thought, “I used to think like that too”. But now, I see things differently. My belief now is that there are NO accidents and NO mistakes and that God is VERY much a part of EVERYTHING that goes on in our lives… the good, the bad and the ugly. I do believe He redeems what the enemy means for harm, and that He uses the consequences of our own sinful choice to make us aware of our great need for him in our life.  But I also believe He causes and brings upon us difficulties, trials, suffering and discomforts so that we are able to SEE Him better. I have discovered in my own life that when life is really hard and painful, I am able to see Him in ways that I never could when times were good. I have come to believe God is THAT big and THAT good. He is ALWAYS more interested my ETERNAL position than He is in my temporal comforts.

The first scripture that comes to mind to back this up is in Job 1:8: “Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job?”  God had put a “hedge” around Job that Satan could not penetrate until God gave him “permission”! God ALLOWED Satan to take his children, devastate his livestock and inflict horrible sores on his body… GOD was in control of what Satan could and could not do. What was the result of all this pain and suffering? At the end of the book of Job he says; “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. “  His understanding and knowledge of GOD was enlightened and he SAW God for the first time! There are so many more scriptures like that that we tend to overlook! For some reason we seem to have a hard time believing that a “loving” God would bring difficulties upon us… Why not? Just look at what He did to His son! Jesus endured persecution, rejection, humiliation, suffered a horrible beating and then died a very painful death on the cross. Yes, there was a purpose and a plan for all of that, namely the salvation and redemption of mankind but, I believe there is also a purpose and a plan for the sufferings that He allows and brings upon us too. Aren’t we also “adopted” sons and daughters?

We have believed the lie that life has to “feel good” to BE good. We do not like “pain” and we will avoid it at all costs! I believe there are two kinds of pain. There is a “destructive” kind and a “restorative” kind. Satan is the author of the “destructive” kind. He gets us to believe lies about ourselves and about God that causes us to make life choices which bring destructive consequences. Such as, relationships that are hurtful and harmful, sex before marriage resulting in diseases and unwanted pregnancies, addictions of all kinds which puts us in unimaginable bondage! But the pain that God brings upon us is “restorative”, not unlike setting a broken bone so we can walk straighter, cleaning out an infected wound, filling a cavity to prevent further rot, labor pains before giving birth to a baby. God works on the healing of the wounded and broken hearts and that can be VERY painful, but this pain results in health, restoration and wellness of the heart, mind and spirit. What is so amazing to me is how quickly we jump into the enemy’s frying pan of destructive pain while we are running from God’s healing hands!

I believe that God uses and causes every circumstance in our lives to refine, shape and mold us to be the people and servants He has designed us to be for His kingdom purposes. We give Satan WAY too much credit for the things that God has placed in our lives to refine us. Here are a couple more Old Testament verses to back this up; in Amos chapter 4 God goes into great detail listing all the hardships and calamities HE brought upon the Israelites to get them to return to Him; “I gave you empty stomachs in every city and lack of bread in every town, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. I also withheld rain from you when the harvest was still three months away. I sent rain on one town, but withheld it from another. One field had rain; another had none and dried up.  People staggered from town to town for water but did not get enough to drink, yet you have not returned to me," declares the LORD. Many times I struck your gardens and vineyards, I struck them with blight and mildew. Locusts devoured your fig and olive trees, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. I sent plagues among you as I did to Egypt. I killed your young men with the sword, along with your captured horses. I filled your nostrils with the stench of your camps, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. I overthrew some of you as I overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah. You were like a burning stick snatched from the fire, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. Therefore this is what I will do to you, Israel, and because I will do this to you, prepare to meet your God, O Israel. He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, he who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth-- the LORD God Almighty is his name.” In Deuteronomy it talks about God’s “blessings” and “curses” for the Israelites that are based on whether they followed Him or turned away from Him to worship other gods. If they did turn away from Him, it says in Deuteronomy 29:20 that “The LORD will never be willing to forgive him; his wrath and zeal will burn against that man. All the curses written in this book will fall upon him, and the LORD will blot out his name from under heaven.” Ouch!

The Old Testament is FULL of scriptures like this of God’s warning and/or punishment that HE is placing on HIS people to get them to “return” to him… they are not “unbelievers” but HIS chosen people that He is disciplining to correct their wandering hearts. Tom gave a great description of God’s discipline, he said it isn’t  “punishment” so much as it is like training a Bonsai Tree which needs pruning, redirecting and reshaping to grow and look the way we want it to. That is EXACTLY what God is doing in our lives! When we start to grow in the wrong directions and walk away from Him, He redirects us by tugging, pruning, poking, and prodding us through our circumstances, to redirect our steps so He can reshape us into HIS image. The more we fight to have things our own way, the more drastic measures He will use to get our attention. I have always said, the most painful part of my walk with the Lord is facing the ugliness of my own heart when the Lord reveals it to me through my circumstances.

Anyway, I can think of several scriptures in the New Testament that talks about “enduring” and expecting pain as a believer and a disciple of Christ. James 1:2 says “Consider it all Satan’s fault when you face trials of many kinds…” Oh, wait. That’s not what it says! “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” And another one is in 1 Peter 4: “Dear friends, blame the enemy when you suffer painful trials…” Oops, that’s not it either. “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed...” And another one is in Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” If you are looking for it, you can find scriptures like these all throughout the Bible. Here is another one in Luke 22:31 that reminds me of the one in Job. Jesus said: “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.”…Who did Satan “ask” and who gave him permission? Here is one last one from the book of Revelation. When God is releasing His “Bowls of Judgment” it says this of the people; “They were seared by the intense heat and they cursed the name of God, who had control over these plagues, but they refused to repent and glorify him.” They KNEW who was doing these things but their hearts were still so hard, they refused to acknowledge the Almighty God. So, what I have gathered from these scriptures, and my experience, is that God will do whatever it takes and whatever He needs to do to bring us back to Him,  bring us closer to Him so we can know Him better and to transform us into His image… and if He needs to, He can get that refining fire REALLY HOT!

Father, I thank you for the refining and purifying of my heart and mind. I thank you that Your way is the BEST way even though it does not always seem right or feel good. I can trust you with my heart and know that You will take very good care of it as You tend to it’s wounds and brokenness. Help us all to SEE you and Your purposes in ALL of our situations and circumstances and allow you to do the work that is so needed in our lives. I want to SEE you more and more each day, and I am willing to surrender my comfort to do so. Thank you for Your discipline which makes me a better person and more like Christ. With much love, your daughter, Linda :)

Dying to LIVE - Part 2

As promised in my last blog, this entry will list some of the things I have had to die to in my walk with the Lord. What I list here is certainly not an exclusive list containing “all” of the things I have died to by any means… and I know that I will continue to have to die to things now and in the future. Part of the reason is that these silly things keep “resurrecting” themselves and I have to crucify them over and over again! Just when I think I have gotten rid of something, it raises its ugly head yet again in another shape, form and circumstance. But, it is weaker and I am more familiar with it and how to kill it so, each time it does get easier.

The first segment of “death to Linda’s flesh” deals with my marriage. Tom and I have been married for almost 32 years now but, about 11 years ago, I was ready to throw in the towel. After 21 years of constant struggles and unhappiness I told the Lord that I was “done!” I was through with trying to fix my husband and my marriage and I couldn’t do it any more. Do you know what the Lord told me then? He said “Good! Now that YOU are done trying, let me show you what I can do”. The next 10 years has been an amazing transformation of both of us. But first, I had to die to my self-righteous pride of thinking I was better than Tom and feeling like it was my duty to “fix” him by informing him of all the things that he was doing wrong. I tried for 21 years, with no positive change, but when I let go of fixing “Tom” and started working on “Linda” (“How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:4), I saw God transform my husband right before my very eyes! My first task was to “shut up and pray!” (Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian) Anytime I wanted to “fix him” or “correct him”, I would bite my tongue and pray for him instead and I was AMAZED at what God started doing, not only in Tom but also in ME. I was humbled to my core when I started seeing the ugliness of my heart and realized that I was so focused on Tom’s faults that I was not seeing my own and how short “I” had fallen of being the wife that he needed me to be. I had become such a self-righteous, judgmental, critical wife that I didn’t even want to be around me! It is so much easier, and less painful, to see others faults than it is our own (and don’t we feel duty bound to inform them of these things!?). But “I” am the only one I can change and when I died to my “pride, self-righteousness and my need to be “right” (of course this is still a work in progress!) my marriage started a transformation process that truly only GOD could do. But “I” had to step out of the way and let GOD do it and it transformed us both.

When I read over this, “marriage in a paragraph” just now, it sounded so “simplistic” and “Fairy Tale” like and it truly does not capture the pain and the tears of this transformation process. Believe me when I say, this was one of the HARDEST things I have ever done in my life!! There has been LOTS of heartache, pain and tears over these last 11 years!! Wanting so badly to stop trying and end this painful process. Death to our flesh is NOT an easy thing for anyone!! But, there was heartache, pain and tears in the first 21 years as well yet there was no progress and no healing or restoration, just constant destruction and dismantling of each other and of our relationship. This time around, the result has been a greater love and an intimacy with each other, and with Christ, that I never knew was possible! I would have to say that God’s way of doing things was MUCH better than mine and worth every bit of pain and suffering I had to go through,and will probably continue to endure as this process continues because I certainly have NOT arrived!

The second segment of “death to Linda’s flesh” came over a period of time from 2007 – 2009 when God called us “out” of the “corporate world” and into full time ministry with Him. Tom had been laid off from IBM since 2004 and was pretty much serving the Lord full time already. I was still working and doing ministry and I was VERY thankful that Tom was home taking care of the household chores which freed me up to do ministry in my free time instead of the house work and errands. But, my heart truly desired to serve the Lord with ALL of my time. I knew that it would happen one day, in God’s perfect timing, but who really “knows” when that will be!? It could be weeks, months or even years! So, I set my heart to wait on Him and was pleasantly surprised when it happened sooner rather than later. There is so much to this story but, to make a very LONG story short, God made some promises to Tom and I but they did NOT look AT ALL like we thought they would! He called us out of our house, our cars and all of our “things” to follow and serve Him full time. He kept telling us over and over again to “trust Him” no matter what things looked like. Since then, He has been faithful and true to His word and has returned one of our cars and set us up in a Bed and Breakfast that is fully furnished and we do not pay for rent or utilities!! We can now serve Him without a huge overhead and need for lots of money. His instruction to us have been very clear in that we are NOT to ask anyone for anything and we are not to charge anyone for the services and counseling we do but to completely trust in Him for our provision, financially and spiritually. It has been truly AMAZING to watch Him work and provide for us over and over again! During this time I had to die to the “control” of my finances and my credit. I had to die to caring about what others thought about me and what I was doing (my integrity and credibility) and I had to let go of everything “material” and die to thinking that I “needed” these things to make me happy. This was yet another one of the HARDEST things I have ever had to go through but God’s faithfulness has FAR surpassed any expectation I have ever had. We are now in our 4^th year of serving Him full time and still have not asked anyone for anything and have not charged for anything we do and God continues to provide for us miraculously over and over again! I have journaled this story because it was so traumatic, stretching, life changing and amazing that I wanted to make sure I remembered it all and then felt let to post it for anyone who wishes to read it at this website: http://www.simplechurch.com/profiles/blogs/2303672:BlogPost:27877

This last segment of “death to Linda’s flesh” is a fairly recent experience so it is still tender and fresh in my memory. God has asked me to “let go” of my son…to die to my right to “fix” or “change” or expect him to “do” a certain thing or “be” a certain person. Isn’t that what we do as parents? We raise our children with expectations of who they should be or what they should do with their lives? Then, when they DON’T do these things we are disappointed, angry, upset and frustrated and then we try to “help” them see the error of their ways. Earlier this year my mind went down the road of how sad I was that my son was so unhappy, due to some choices he has made, and I got so emotional that I was sobbing uncontrollably over his unhappiness. My heart grieved over him and I desired so much to "fix" the situation (here I go “fixing” again…). It was then that the Lord spoke so very clearly to me. He told me that there was a reason and a purpose for him to be going through these things. And, who was I to determine what was right or wrong in his life and I needed to stop trying to be the "armature providence", wanting to rescue him from a situation that GOD himself has allowed for HIS purposes and Glory?  Then I heard Him say that, if I could not contact him without an ulterior motive with an attempt to manipulate or guilt, coerce or "fix" the perceived problem, I was NOT to contact him... Then He reminded me that Adam is NOT mine but His to do with what He will and I need to "die" to him as being my son. This has been really hard for me... but the more time that goes by, the more peace and freedom I feel in this situation. My prayer is that I can completely detach and watch God do amazing things with “His” son.

Father, I thank you for helping me to die to the things that keep me from living in peace and in freedom and from “seeing” YOU. Yes, these deaths of my flesh have been very painful but, so very freeing in the end. Thank you for helping me, not only to see these things, but also giving me the strength to put them to death. All I want is to be FREE to love you without hindrance and to see you clearly without the filters that distort the truth of who you are. With all my heart and life, Linda :)

Linda's Journal - January 19, 2012

This month has been a POWERFUL time of growth and understanding for me. The Lord continues to speak to me of His desires and truths. Yesterday’s Oswald He spoke to me again about how we tend to go to HIM for “a drink” (His blessings) when WE need to be giving HIM “a drink” and pouring our hearts and lives out for HIM, being “broken bread and poured out wine”: “Jesus said to her, 'Give Me a drink' " (John 4:7). How many of us are expecting Jesus Christ to quench our thirst when we should be satisfying Him! We should be pouring out our lives, investing our total beings, not drawing on Him to satisfy us. "You shall be witnesses to Me . . ." (Acts 1:8). That means lives of pure, uncompromising, and unrestrained devotion to the Lord Jesus, which will be satisfying to Him wherever He may send us.” I had never seen the “women at the well” scripture like that before! Never seeing HIS request for a drink!! How many times does He speak to us like that and we totally MISS it!

This mornings Oswald was another “forehead slap” and a reminder to NOT undertake “God’s” plans in my own ways, timing and strength: “Whenever God gives a vision to a Christian, it is as if He puts him in "the shadow of His hand" (Isaiah 49:2). The saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a "darkness" that comes from too much light --- that is the time to listen. The story of Abram and Hagar in Genesis 16 is an excellent example of listening to so-called good advice during a time of darkness, rather than waiting for God to send the light. When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word…” 

And the scripture he used was: “Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.” (Isaiah 50:10-11)

OUCH!! A few years ago I woke up one morning with the words “Walk in the light as I am in the light” almost audibly spoken to me. I wasn’t really sure of what He was trying to say but I meditated on it and prayed about it for a long time. I know of the scripture in 1John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” Oswald uses this scripture many times throughout the year so it is always coming back at me and I always pray, Lord show me what you are trying to tell me. But I haven’t really “gotten” it until this morning… well at least one aspect of it anyway! When I was reading the Isaiah scripture above, it reminded me of that scripture again and then as I continued to read I realized that I have been “lighting my own torch”!! I have been trying to walk in MY light instead of the light of God which Jesus walked in!! He walks in the light of God’s direction and timing and I keep trying to light my own torch and walk in my way and my timing! Oh Lord, thank you so much for this insight and forgive me for my sin of “self sufficiency” and not waiting on YOUR timing and walking in the light as You are in the light. Please show me how to walk this out and give me the strength to follow in YOUR footsteps!!

This next thing falls right in the line of “me” trying to do “God’s” job and walking in the light of my own torch. This last year I have been like a bulldog regarding my son and his wife and trying to get them to spend more time with us. I have hounded, pressured and coerced them and have probably done more damage than anything else. I don’t know why I have felt so “driven” to do that… but at the beginning of this year God said “STOP IT!” After reading the Awareness book I realized my actions were driven by emotions (of which I am still processing and trying to determine what they all are) instead of just waiting and allowing them to be who they are and live their life the way they want to. I felt the Holy Spirit say to me “until you can contact them without any ulterior motives or this “driving” emotion, do NOT contact them”. So, I haven’t called, texted or email them since He gave me those instructions… and it has been really HARD at times! But, the more time that goes by, the more peace I feel about “letting go”. I do know that part of this “emotion” is that I miss my son terribly but I would much rather have them “want” to spend time with us than have them feel “obligated” or “quilted” into it. So, my goal now is to “walk in the light as He is in the light” and WAIT on God for His timing and let HIM work out all these things in HIS way. Father, forgive me for lighting my own torch in this situation and thank you for showing me before I did too much more damage… I trust in You to do this the “right” way in Your perfect timing.

Another wonderful thing that just randomly started happening is, when I wake up in the morning I started praying “Your will be done Lord, not mine”. And initially this was in regards to when I got up in the morning. I have my alarm set for 6am and sometimes I get up and sometimes I don’t. But either way, I seem to have “issues”. If I get up, I don’t want to and I grumble about wanting to go back to bed, but if I stay in bed I feel guilty and think of all the things I could have gotten done if I had just gotten up… I am a mess!! I do have to say that there are times that I do get up without grumbling and joyfully start my day and I pray that those will become more the norm than the exception! So, again, because this was not a “conscious decision” I am not sure where this random thought came from… well, maybe it do :) But I have felt this amazing sense of freedom to let GOD dictate when I get up! Lord, You know what I need to get done and when my body needs to rest so, I will trust YOU to wake me up and help me to start my day in YOUR light and not my own!! So now, I have carried that “conscious thought” into my whole day… Lord, YOUR will be done and not mine! I know I have said that my life is God’s to do with what He will, but now I am speaking it out and being even more aware and intentional of how I need to take MY hands off of the life I gave to HIM. It is no longer MINE to do my will but I need to be more conscience of when I start to take the wheel again so that I can let go and “walk in the light as He is in the light”… in surrender and obedience.

Thank you Father again for this insight and information and I pray that I will always hear Your voice and follow the path that You have set before me. With all my heart and life, Linda :)