Have you considered my servant Job…?

I recently listened to a sermon podcast and the minister made a comment about trials and difficulties in life, specifically divorce and the painful aftermath for all involved. He said something to the effect that “he didn't believe that God brought these difficulties upon us, but that he believed God redeems them for His glory”. When I heard that I thought, “I used to think like that too”. But now, I see things differently. My belief now is that there are NO accidents and NO mistakes and that God is VERY much a part of EVERYTHING that goes on in our lives… the good, the bad and the ugly. I do believe He redeems what the enemy means for harm, and that He uses the consequences of our own sinful choice to make us aware of our great need for him in our life.  But I also believe He causes and brings upon us difficulties, trials, suffering and discomforts so that we are able to SEE Him better. I have discovered in my own life that when life is really hard and painful, I am able to see Him in ways that I never could when times were good. I have come to believe God is THAT big and THAT good. He is ALWAYS more interested my ETERNAL position than He is in my temporal comforts.

The first scripture that comes to mind to back this up is in Job 1:8: “Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job?”  God had put a “hedge” around Job that Satan could not penetrate until God gave him “permission”! God ALLOWED Satan to take his children, devastate his livestock and inflict horrible sores on his body… GOD was in control of what Satan could and could not do. What was the result of all this pain and suffering? At the end of the book of Job he says; “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. “  His understanding and knowledge of GOD was enlightened and he SAW God for the first time! There are so many more scriptures like that that we tend to overlook! For some reason we seem to have a hard time believing that a “loving” God would bring difficulties upon us… Why not? Just look at what He did to His son! Jesus endured persecution, rejection, humiliation, suffered a horrible beating and then died a very painful death on the cross. Yes, there was a purpose and a plan for all of that, namely the salvation and redemption of mankind but, I believe there is also a purpose and a plan for the sufferings that He allows and brings upon us too. Aren’t we also “adopted” sons and daughters?

We have believed the lie that life has to “feel good” to BE good. We do not like “pain” and we will avoid it at all costs! I believe there are two kinds of pain. There is a “destructive” kind and a “restorative” kind. Satan is the author of the “destructive” kind. He gets us to believe lies about ourselves and about God that causes us to make life choices which bring destructive consequences. Such as, relationships that are hurtful and harmful, sex before marriage resulting in diseases and unwanted pregnancies, addictions of all kinds which puts us in unimaginable bondage! But the pain that God brings upon us is “restorative”, not unlike setting a broken bone so we can walk straighter, cleaning out an infected wound, filling a cavity to prevent further rot, labor pains before giving birth to a baby. God works on the healing of the wounded and broken hearts and that can be VERY painful, but this pain results in health, restoration and wellness of the heart, mind and spirit. What is so amazing to me is how quickly we jump into the enemy’s frying pan of destructive pain while we are running from God’s healing hands!

I believe that God uses and causes every circumstance in our lives to refine, shape and mold us to be the people and servants He has designed us to be for His kingdom purposes. We give Satan WAY too much credit for the things that God has placed in our lives to refine us. Here are a couple more Old Testament verses to back this up; in Amos chapter 4 God goes into great detail listing all the hardships and calamities HE brought upon the Israelites to get them to return to Him; “I gave you empty stomachs in every city and lack of bread in every town, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. I also withheld rain from you when the harvest was still three months away. I sent rain on one town, but withheld it from another. One field had rain; another had none and dried up.  People staggered from town to town for water but did not get enough to drink, yet you have not returned to me," declares the LORD. Many times I struck your gardens and vineyards, I struck them with blight and mildew. Locusts devoured your fig and olive trees, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. I sent plagues among you as I did to Egypt. I killed your young men with the sword, along with your captured horses. I filled your nostrils with the stench of your camps, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. I overthrew some of you as I overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah. You were like a burning stick snatched from the fire, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. Therefore this is what I will do to you, Israel, and because I will do this to you, prepare to meet your God, O Israel. He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, he who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth-- the LORD God Almighty is his name.” In Deuteronomy it talks about God’s “blessings” and “curses” for the Israelites that are based on whether they followed Him or turned away from Him to worship other gods. If they did turn away from Him, it says in Deuteronomy 29:20 that “The LORD will never be willing to forgive him; his wrath and zeal will burn against that man. All the curses written in this book will fall upon him, and the LORD will blot out his name from under heaven.” Ouch!

The Old Testament is FULL of scriptures like this of God’s warning and/or punishment that HE is placing on HIS people to get them to “return” to him… they are not “unbelievers” but HIS chosen people that He is disciplining to correct their wandering hearts. Tom gave a great description of God’s discipline, he said it isn’t  “punishment” so much as it is like training a Bonsai Tree which needs pruning, redirecting and reshaping to grow and look the way we want it to. That is EXACTLY what God is doing in our lives! When we start to grow in the wrong directions and walk away from Him, He redirects us by tugging, pruning, poking, and prodding us through our circumstances, to redirect our steps so He can reshape us into HIS image. The more we fight to have things our own way, the more drastic measures He will use to get our attention. I have always said, the most painful part of my walk with the Lord is facing the ugliness of my own heart when the Lord reveals it to me through my circumstances.

Anyway, I can think of several scriptures in the New Testament that talks about “enduring” and expecting pain as a believer and a disciple of Christ. James 1:2 says “Consider it all Satan’s fault when you face trials of many kinds…” Oh, wait. That’s not what it says! “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” And another one is in 1 Peter 4: “Dear friends, blame the enemy when you suffer painful trials…” Oops, that’s not it either. “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed...” And another one is in Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” If you are looking for it, you can find scriptures like these all throughout the Bible. Here is another one in Luke 22:31 that reminds me of the one in Job. Jesus said: “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.”…Who did Satan “ask” and who gave him permission? Here is one last one from the book of Revelation. When God is releasing His “Bowls of Judgment” it says this of the people; “They were seared by the intense heat and they cursed the name of God, who had control over these plagues, but they refused to repent and glorify him.” They KNEW who was doing these things but their hearts were still so hard, they refused to acknowledge the Almighty God. So, what I have gathered from these scriptures, and my experience, is that God will do whatever it takes and whatever He needs to do to bring us back to Him,  bring us closer to Him so we can know Him better and to transform us into His image… and if He needs to, He can get that refining fire REALLY HOT!

Father, I thank you for the refining and purifying of my heart and mind. I thank you that Your way is the BEST way even though it does not always seem right or feel good. I can trust you with my heart and know that You will take very good care of it as You tend to it’s wounds and brokenness. Help us all to SEE you and Your purposes in ALL of our situations and circumstances and allow you to do the work that is so needed in our lives. I want to SEE you more and more each day, and I am willing to surrender my comfort to do so. Thank you for Your discipline which makes me a better person and more like Christ. With much love, your daughter, Linda :)

Dying to LIVE - Part 2

As promised in my last blog, this entry will list some of the things I have had to die to in my walk with the Lord. What I list here is certainly not an exclusive list containing “all” of the things I have died to by any means… and I know that I will continue to have to die to things now and in the future. Part of the reason is that these silly things keep “resurrecting” themselves and I have to crucify them over and over again! Just when I think I have gotten rid of something, it raises its ugly head yet again in another shape, form and circumstance. But, it is weaker and I am more familiar with it and how to kill it so, each time it does get easier.

The first segment of “death to Linda’s flesh” deals with my marriage. Tom and I have been married for almost 32 years now but, about 11 years ago, I was ready to throw in the towel. After 21 years of constant struggles and unhappiness I told the Lord that I was “done!” I was through with trying to fix my husband and my marriage and I couldn’t do it any more. Do you know what the Lord told me then? He said “Good! Now that YOU are done trying, let me show you what I can do”. The next 10 years has been an amazing transformation of both of us. But first, I had to die to my self-righteous pride of thinking I was better than Tom and feeling like it was my duty to “fix” him by informing him of all the things that he was doing wrong. I tried for 21 years, with no positive change, but when I let go of fixing “Tom” and started working on “Linda” (“How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:4), I saw God transform my husband right before my very eyes! My first task was to “shut up and pray!” (Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian) Anytime I wanted to “fix him” or “correct him”, I would bite my tongue and pray for him instead and I was AMAZED at what God started doing, not only in Tom but also in ME. I was humbled to my core when I started seeing the ugliness of my heart and realized that I was so focused on Tom’s faults that I was not seeing my own and how short “I” had fallen of being the wife that he needed me to be. I had become such a self-righteous, judgmental, critical wife that I didn’t even want to be around me! It is so much easier, and less painful, to see others faults than it is our own (and don’t we feel duty bound to inform them of these things!?). But “I” am the only one I can change and when I died to my “pride, self-righteousness and my need to be “right” (of course this is still a work in progress!) my marriage started a transformation process that truly only GOD could do. But “I” had to step out of the way and let GOD do it and it transformed us both.

When I read over this, “marriage in a paragraph” just now, it sounded so “simplistic” and “Fairy Tale” like and it truly does not capture the pain and the tears of this transformation process. Believe me when I say, this was one of the HARDEST things I have ever done in my life!! There has been LOTS of heartache, pain and tears over these last 11 years!! Wanting so badly to stop trying and end this painful process. Death to our flesh is NOT an easy thing for anyone!! But, there was heartache, pain and tears in the first 21 years as well yet there was no progress and no healing or restoration, just constant destruction and dismantling of each other and of our relationship. This time around, the result has been a greater love and an intimacy with each other, and with Christ, that I never knew was possible! I would have to say that God’s way of doing things was MUCH better than mine and worth every bit of pain and suffering I had to go through,and will probably continue to endure as this process continues because I certainly have NOT arrived!

The second segment of “death to Linda’s flesh” came over a period of time from 2007 – 2009 when God called us “out” of the “corporate world” and into full time ministry with Him. Tom had been laid off from IBM since 2004 and was pretty much serving the Lord full time already. I was still working and doing ministry and I was VERY thankful that Tom was home taking care of the household chores which freed me up to do ministry in my free time instead of the house work and errands. But, my heart truly desired to serve the Lord with ALL of my time. I knew that it would happen one day, in God’s perfect timing, but who really “knows” when that will be!? It could be weeks, months or even years! So, I set my heart to wait on Him and was pleasantly surprised when it happened sooner rather than later. There is so much to this story but, to make a very LONG story short, God made some promises to Tom and I but they did NOT look AT ALL like we thought they would! He called us out of our house, our cars and all of our “things” to follow and serve Him full time. He kept telling us over and over again to “trust Him” no matter what things looked like. Since then, He has been faithful and true to His word and has returned one of our cars and set us up in a Bed and Breakfast that is fully furnished and we do not pay for rent or utilities!! We can now serve Him without a huge overhead and need for lots of money. His instruction to us have been very clear in that we are NOT to ask anyone for anything and we are not to charge anyone for the services and counseling we do but to completely trust in Him for our provision, financially and spiritually. It has been truly AMAZING to watch Him work and provide for us over and over again! During this time I had to die to the “control” of my finances and my credit. I had to die to caring about what others thought about me and what I was doing (my integrity and credibility) and I had to let go of everything “material” and die to thinking that I “needed” these things to make me happy. This was yet another one of the HARDEST things I have ever had to go through but God’s faithfulness has FAR surpassed any expectation I have ever had. We are now in our 4^th year of serving Him full time and still have not asked anyone for anything and have not charged for anything we do and God continues to provide for us miraculously over and over again! I have journaled this story because it was so traumatic, stretching, life changing and amazing that I wanted to make sure I remembered it all and then felt let to post it for anyone who wishes to read it at this website: http://www.simplechurch.com/profiles/blogs/2303672:BlogPost:27877

This last segment of “death to Linda’s flesh” is a fairly recent experience so it is still tender and fresh in my memory. God has asked me to “let go” of my son…to die to my right to “fix” or “change” or expect him to “do” a certain thing or “be” a certain person. Isn’t that what we do as parents? We raise our children with expectations of who they should be or what they should do with their lives? Then, when they DON’T do these things we are disappointed, angry, upset and frustrated and then we try to “help” them see the error of their ways. Earlier this year my mind went down the road of how sad I was that my son was so unhappy, due to some choices he has made, and I got so emotional that I was sobbing uncontrollably over his unhappiness. My heart grieved over him and I desired so much to "fix" the situation (here I go “fixing” again…). It was then that the Lord spoke so very clearly to me. He told me that there was a reason and a purpose for him to be going through these things. And, who was I to determine what was right or wrong in his life and I needed to stop trying to be the "armature providence", wanting to rescue him from a situation that GOD himself has allowed for HIS purposes and Glory?  Then I heard Him say that, if I could not contact him without an ulterior motive with an attempt to manipulate or guilt, coerce or "fix" the perceived problem, I was NOT to contact him... Then He reminded me that Adam is NOT mine but His to do with what He will and I need to "die" to him as being my son. This has been really hard for me... but the more time that goes by, the more peace and freedom I feel in this situation. My prayer is that I can completely detach and watch God do amazing things with “His” son.

Father, I thank you for helping me to die to the things that keep me from living in peace and in freedom and from “seeing” YOU. Yes, these deaths of my flesh have been very painful but, so very freeing in the end. Thank you for helping me, not only to see these things, but also giving me the strength to put them to death. All I want is to be FREE to love you without hindrance and to see you clearly without the filters that distort the truth of who you are. With all my heart and life, Linda :)

Linda's Journal - January 19, 2012

This month has been a POWERFUL time of growth and understanding for me. The Lord continues to speak to me of His desires and truths. Yesterday’s Oswald He spoke to me again about how we tend to go to HIM for “a drink” (His blessings) when WE need to be giving HIM “a drink” and pouring our hearts and lives out for HIM, being “broken bread and poured out wine”: “Jesus said to her, 'Give Me a drink' " (John 4:7). How many of us are expecting Jesus Christ to quench our thirst when we should be satisfying Him! We should be pouring out our lives, investing our total beings, not drawing on Him to satisfy us. "You shall be witnesses to Me . . ." (Acts 1:8). That means lives of pure, uncompromising, and unrestrained devotion to the Lord Jesus, which will be satisfying to Him wherever He may send us.” I had never seen the “women at the well” scripture like that before! Never seeing HIS request for a drink!! How many times does He speak to us like that and we totally MISS it!

This mornings Oswald was another “forehead slap” and a reminder to NOT undertake “God’s” plans in my own ways, timing and strength: “Whenever God gives a vision to a Christian, it is as if He puts him in "the shadow of His hand" (Isaiah 49:2). The saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a "darkness" that comes from too much light --- that is the time to listen. The story of Abram and Hagar in Genesis 16 is an excellent example of listening to so-called good advice during a time of darkness, rather than waiting for God to send the light. When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word…” 

And the scripture he used was: “Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.” (Isaiah 50:10-11)

OUCH!! A few years ago I woke up one morning with the words “Walk in the light as I am in the light” almost audibly spoken to me. I wasn’t really sure of what He was trying to say but I meditated on it and prayed about it for a long time. I know of the scripture in 1John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” Oswald uses this scripture many times throughout the year so it is always coming back at me and I always pray, Lord show me what you are trying to tell me. But I haven’t really “gotten” it until this morning… well at least one aspect of it anyway! When I was reading the Isaiah scripture above, it reminded me of that scripture again and then as I continued to read I realized that I have been “lighting my own torch”!! I have been trying to walk in MY light instead of the light of God which Jesus walked in!! He walks in the light of God’s direction and timing and I keep trying to light my own torch and walk in my way and my timing! Oh Lord, thank you so much for this insight and forgive me for my sin of “self sufficiency” and not waiting on YOUR timing and walking in the light as You are in the light. Please show me how to walk this out and give me the strength to follow in YOUR footsteps!!

This next thing falls right in the line of “me” trying to do “God’s” job and walking in the light of my own torch. This last year I have been like a bulldog regarding my son and his wife and trying to get them to spend more time with us. I have hounded, pressured and coerced them and have probably done more damage than anything else. I don’t know why I have felt so “driven” to do that… but at the beginning of this year God said “STOP IT!” After reading the Awareness book I realized my actions were driven by emotions (of which I am still processing and trying to determine what they all are) instead of just waiting and allowing them to be who they are and live their life the way they want to. I felt the Holy Spirit say to me “until you can contact them without any ulterior motives or this “driving” emotion, do NOT contact them”. So, I haven’t called, texted or email them since He gave me those instructions… and it has been really HARD at times! But, the more time that goes by, the more peace I feel about “letting go”. I do know that part of this “emotion” is that I miss my son terribly but I would much rather have them “want” to spend time with us than have them feel “obligated” or “quilted” into it. So, my goal now is to “walk in the light as He is in the light” and WAIT on God for His timing and let HIM work out all these things in HIS way. Father, forgive me for lighting my own torch in this situation and thank you for showing me before I did too much more damage… I trust in You to do this the “right” way in Your perfect timing.

Another wonderful thing that just randomly started happening is, when I wake up in the morning I started praying “Your will be done Lord, not mine”. And initially this was in regards to when I got up in the morning. I have my alarm set for 6am and sometimes I get up and sometimes I don’t. But either way, I seem to have “issues”. If I get up, I don’t want to and I grumble about wanting to go back to bed, but if I stay in bed I feel guilty and think of all the things I could have gotten done if I had just gotten up… I am a mess!! I do have to say that there are times that I do get up without grumbling and joyfully start my day and I pray that those will become more the norm than the exception! So, again, because this was not a “conscious decision” I am not sure where this random thought came from… well, maybe it do :) But I have felt this amazing sense of freedom to let GOD dictate when I get up! Lord, You know what I need to get done and when my body needs to rest so, I will trust YOU to wake me up and help me to start my day in YOUR light and not my own!! So now, I have carried that “conscious thought” into my whole day… Lord, YOUR will be done and not mine! I know I have said that my life is God’s to do with what He will, but now I am speaking it out and being even more aware and intentional of how I need to take MY hands off of the life I gave to HIM. It is no longer MINE to do my will but I need to be more conscience of when I start to take the wheel again so that I can let go and “walk in the light as He is in the light”… in surrender and obedience.

Thank you Father again for this insight and information and I pray that I will always hear Your voice and follow the path that You have set before me. With all my heart and life, Linda :)

Dying to LIVE

In my last post, Death and Resurrection, I talked about “dying” to the flesh and trusting God to raise us up from the dead. The more I thought about that the more I wondered if I should give some examples of what that meant. It’s one thing to say it but, what does “dying” to my flesh and my will really look like in my day to day life? What does it mean to crucify myself so that “I no longer live but Christ lives in me…”? (Galatians 2:20) Then I thought of all the times that God has asked me to die to myself and do something that was completely “illogical” and/or very humbling and extremely difficult to do. So, I decided to write out some of my own "deaths" for you as examples of what God can and may ask you to do.

Let me clarify first that my journey is just that, “mine”. And your journey is yours. Just because God asks me to do something, it does not mean that I think He should or will ask you to do the same things. Everyone has different things they need to “die” to and even if we are dying to the same things, He asks us to go through a different process to make that death occur. I guess this is my little disclaimer. I am not saying that I think He is asking everyone to do the things He asks me to do, but more to the point, I am saying that He WILL ask you to do some really hard things and even some things that don’t make sense and that go against all your reason, logic and understanding. It may look similar to mine or completely different but the end result should be the same… death to the flesh, which will then result in spiritual resurrection and freedom!

So, before I share my stuff, I thought I would list some Biblical examples of people that had to die to their flesh and principles in order to be obedient to God. Here is one of my favorites and a familiar one right off the bat: “Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." (Genesis 22:2). I have brought this story up a few times already but it still never ceases to amaze me that, first of all, God would ask this of Abraham and second, that Abraham was obedient and set out to do it!! Talk about dying to his flesh and principles! This one takes the cake!! What are some of the other things Abraham had to die to? He had to die to God’s promise of a nation from his off spring. He had to die to the humiliation of what his wife and family would say. And he had do die to what ISAAC would say as he bound him up and laid him on the alter… just to name a few! Those are some very intense deaths.

Another example is Hosea: “…the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness…." (Hosea 1:2) Really! Would God ask you to take an adulterous wife?? I guess the answer would be “yes” for Hosea. Again, this doesn’t apply to everyone, but God had a purpose and a plan for Hosea and this was something Hosea needed to do for God’s plan and purposes to be realized in his life. What are some of the things Hosea had to die to? He had to die to his “right” to marry a good and faithful wife. He had to die to his reputation and of what others will think of him. And, he had to die to any judgment and/or disgust he probably had of an adulteress women so that he could love her like God loved the Israelites. 

Another example is Gideon: ”The LORD said to Gideon, "You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands…” Gideon started off with 32,000 men but then God took him through a process of elimination… “So Gideon sent the rest of the Israelites to their tents but kept the three hundred… During that night the LORD said to Gideon, "Get up, go down against the camp, because I am going to give it into your hands.” (Judges 7:1-9) The Lord asked Gideon to step up and fight against the Midianites, who were too numerous to count (Judges 6:5), with only 300 men!! This is another request which defies all logic and understanding! But Gideon was obedient and GOD WAS FAITHFUL AND TRUE to His word! Gideon had to die to his fear of failure! He had to put out a couple fleeces before he really believed God would do what he said he would do. Even still, it took a HUGE amount of faith and courage to go out against the Midianite army with only 300 men!

Ok, I have one last example; let’s look at Peter who was praying on a roof top: “Then a voice told him, "Get up, Peter. Kill and eat. Surely not, Lord! Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean." (Acts 10:13-14) Most of us are familiar with this story. Peter was shown a vision of a sheet coming down from heaven containing all kinds of “unclean” animals that Peter had never eaten in his life and God told him to “kill and eat”. He had been taught from a young boy not to do such things. He was also taught that the promises of God were only for the Jews and not for the Gentiles. These were foundational beliefs for the Jews! Poor Peter had quite a wake up call that day when God changed up on him and gave him different orders and instructions and asked him to do things that were completely against everything he been taught! Peter had to die to his ways of life, heritage and “traditions” he had been taught his whole life. That would be for us like saying cats and dogs are to vote for the president! Try to wrap your mind around that!

There are so many more of these types of stories and examples in the Bible. It is easy for us to look at these stories so nonchalantly and say, these people were different, chosen and special people and think that it was somehow easier for them. And because we know how it ends, we don’t think of these “extremely traumatic” situations as being that big of a deal… at least that’s what I thought until God started asking ME to do some of these REALLY hard things, then suddenly, I saw these people in a VERY different light. They went from being black and white words on a page to living, breathing people with struggles and feelings just like me. It’s easy to have “faith” when you know how it will all end… but when you have NO CLUE what God is doing, which none of these people did when they started off, and you step out anyway, “faith” takes on a whole new look and feel. These people had to “die” to their flesh, their reason, their logic, their understanding, common sense and even to their “reputation” to follow God and be obedient to what He asked them to do. I don’t think He works any differently with us today yet we somehow have gotten this notion that God wants things to be “easy” and “painless” for us…? God is the same yesterday, today and forever and I do believe that “death” to our flesh looks and feels the same today as it did back then.

The good news is, that each and every one of those people, and each one of us who trusts God, dies to our flesh, steps out in faith and are obedient, are spiritually resurrected and are able to “see” God in a whole new way. Just like Job who said “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5). It’s like you walk through a spiritual door that you never knew was there and see things with new eyes and a new understanding. Each time we die to our flesh, step out in faith and are obedient to what God is calling us to do, we get a new glimpse of His wonderful face and Glory :) It’s NOT about US but all about God and HIS faithfulness to His people, for His Kingdom and His Glory!

Well, I wrote much more than I thought I would for this “intro” so now I will need to do a part 2 in order to write the examples from my life of the things the Lord has called me to die to.

Father, I ask that even now you are quickening the hearts of the readers to understand more about what “dying to live” really means and to risk the pain, struggles and difficulties that come with death and transformation so that they can “see” You clearer and “know” You better. You are worth more than anything we could have or go through here on earth because You and Your purposes for us are “eternal”.

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” Romans 6:4

(See also Oswald’s January 15^th devotional: http://utmost.org/)

Linda's Journal - January 10, 2012

Praise the Lord for His goodness and grace! This last week has been very intense and very full so this has been my first chance to sit and write out the good news of Charlee-Nichole’s birth! She was born last Tuesday on Mako’s birthday, Jan 3^rd at 3:14am. She weighed in at 8lbs 11oz, 21 1/2 inches long and she is beautiful! Mako has been such a wonderful big brother, very gentle and kind. It is very cool to see how the kids are accepting and loving their new sister.

The morning of her birth I woke up with another red eye. It was very bad. Apparently the pressure in my eye was too much again so the blood vessels burst. I hadn’t been feeling all that well and had a bit of a cough. The week was a little more stressful than usual and Rob was doing a great job keeping us posted on the birth progress via texting so I didn’t get much sleep that night. So, all of that resulted in too much pressure and a red eye. It is much better now though :) Angel was so sweet about it. I went over there Wednesday night to help Amada with the kids and when I tucked Angel in we prayed and then she prayed for my eye. When I saw her on Sunday and my eye was better she said, “Oma, I know why your eye is better”, I said Oh yeah, why is that, and she said “because I prayed for you!” That was so awesome :)

Another thing that has been going on is that Tom’s friend Bill B. sent him an ebook called “Awareness” by Anthony De Mello. It has been a HUGE eye opener for both Tom and I!! We love it because he has so many amazing truths in it that are mind boggling and foundation rocking. He talks a lot about brainwashing and lies we have believed as a society and body of Christ and how that keeps us from true awareness. He starts off the book by saying “WAKE UP!!” We have been asleep for so long we don’t even realize that we are asleep! He talks about being aware of our thoughts and feelings and identifying what they are and why they are there. One of the big things I have gotten out of it so far is that, if we are angry and upset with someone, it isn’t the person we are upset with, but our ILLUSIONS of who that person is that upset us. If we really and truly KNEW that person then we would know not to expect them to be and do certain things and we would not be upset or disappointed! It’s our incorrect illusions and expectations that are wrong which then results in disappointment and anger. I love it!! He absolutely nails it! So, I had to immediately look at my frustrations and disappointments in Tom and realize that it isn’t HIM but my ILLUSION of who he is. My desire for him to be different keeps causing my problems. When I get a grip and understand who he really is, then those negative thoughts and feelings will go away!

The Lord is also applying these things to Adam and Candis. I keep finding myself being disappointed in their choices but now I realize that I need to readjust MY thoughts and expectations, see them for who they are (and they are not BAD at all, just different from my expectations) so that I am not disappointed and frustrated with them. I keep falling into the same old trap of wanting others to change so that I don’t feel bad but it isn’t THEM that need to change, it’s ME!! And to take that even further, I need to evaluate the things that make me “happy” as well! “Why” do they make me happy? If they are removed or different, will that make me sad or mad? What have I attached to that causes these emotions?? Very deep stuff!

Oh Lord, I am so thankful for your grace and patience with me! Thank you for this new book and the insights it is giving me! Help me to continue to “see” and “apply” these truths to my life. I feel like the more You show me, the freer I become! The more freedom I feel, the more freedom I desire… bring it on Lord! I love You so much and desire to know You more and more each day. With all my heart and life, Linda :)

Linda's Journal - January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!! I am really looking forward to seeing what God will do in this next year! We will have a new baby and I pray that our family will be restored.

2011 ended with a bit of sadness but with a greater understanding of my Lord and the way He works things. I have learned so much in the last couple years about who He is and His heart for me and others that I want so badly to tell the world how good and awesome He is!! I am a “fixer” by nature and I love to see things restored and help people in their lives and help them to “see” Jesus the way I see Him. I have been writing in my blog this last year, trying to articulate the things that the Lord has shown me. I write and rewrite, try and try again to somehow impart to others the things I have learned, seen and grown to understand but, somehow when I am done, it doesn’t even come close to what I really want to say. It’s almost like it needs another language… the language of the heart maybe, to be able to communicate the truths that the Lord has revealed to me. Well, to be straight up, that is it in the nutshell, isn’t it? Only God, through the Holy Spirit can really and truly reveal these truths to each individual. I have tried to express and explain in so many ways, so many times but walk away feeling discouraged because I can’t seem to express the things of my heart the way I truly feel and see them.

The last blog I posted, Death and Resurrection, I wrote in November and, again, when I was done I wasn’t happy with it so I sat on it for a while. Every once in awhile I would pull it up again and reread it to see if there was anything I could change, correct or fix. I made a change here and there but the content was pretty much the same… lacking “impact” and “insight” that I was really hoping for. So, I decided to post it at the end of December just to get it in before the New Year.

The last couple of guests that the Lord has brought to the Inn have helped me to see some things even clearer. We had a pastor and his wife stay with us again and my expectations of pastors are that they would have a heart for the Lord at least as great as mine… I am sure there are some out there but these have been disappointing. I am not saying that they aren’t wonderful people but, again, they talked of everything else BUT the Lord and His impact in their lives. That is ALL I want to talk about!! I wanted so much to talk about the Lord and what He is revealing to me and showing me but each time I tried to go down that road, they would change the subject to something else.

Then, we had these wonderful and so sweet ladies stay with us Friday night. They shared with me that they met each other at church and they even prayed over their meal before they eat it, but again, NOTHING was mentioned about My Lord or His impact and place in their lives. I sat in the kitchen eating my breakfast while listening to their conversation and it centered mostly around illness, either theirs or someone else’s, but illnesses none the less. As I sat and listened and prayed, the thought hit me… it was all about the “physical” yet again! All about the “temporal” and nothing about the spiritual!! I started thinking about how when we are young, we are caught up in the “material” things of life. Working hard to make the wages that will give us the toys, prestige, and accolades we want. Or, the physical pleasures… sex, drugs, alcohol, adrenaline experiences like bungee jumping or sky diving. We are so focused on us, the physical pleasures and the temporal things of life at that time in our lives. 

Then I thought, certainly as we get older and more mature as Christians, wouldn’t we want to set all that stuff aside, seeing the futility of it all and focus on the spiritual and eternal aspect of life…? But NO! Instead, we are still all consumed with the physical yet again only this time it is in the “aliment” and illness department instead of the “pleasure” department… Lord, help us! I can understand how the aches and pains of the physical can be a pain and a distraction, and how it isn’t like it used to be but I certainly do NOT want to spend all my time talking about it!

So, as I was sitting there at breakfast, thinking and praying and coming to these realizations, I had a very deep sadness, for us as the body and for the Lord. We really don’t get it do we. And “I” can’t impart these things to others. “I” can’t “make” them want to spend time with Him, talk about Him or inspire a desire for Him in their lives, only HE can. Unless the Father draws them, or reveals Himself to them, they cannot truly see Him. So, I have been more quiet and more introspective and more prayerful these last couple of weeks and the Lord is helping me to see, yet again, that it isn’t all about ME but all about HIM and His plans and purposes, because they are perfect and good. All I need to do is ABIDE in Him and be the branch that produces the fruit that brings HIM the glory, honor and praise.

Thank you Lord for setting me straight, yet again, on who is in control. I thank You that Your plans are perfect and good and that You love these people more than I do and everything will all work out for the BEST (not the good) and for YOUR Glory, honor and praise and not mine. Thank you for helping me to “die” in this area of my life so that you can resurrect me to be greater than I was but for YOUR glory and not mine. Your loving and devoted servant, Linda :)