Happy New Year!! I am really looking forward to seeing what God will do in this next year! We will have a new baby and I pray that our family will be restored.
2011 ended with a bit of sadness but with a greater understanding of my Lord and the way He works things. I have learned so much in the last couple years about who He is and His heart for me and others that I want so badly to tell the world how good and awesome He is!! I am a “fixer” by nature and I love to see things restored and help people in their lives and help them to “see” Jesus the way I see Him. I have been writing in my blog this last year, trying to articulate the things that the Lord has shown me. I write and rewrite, try and try again to somehow impart to others the things I have learned, seen and grown to understand but, somehow when I am done, it doesn’t even come close to what I really want to say. It’s almost like it needs another language… the language of the heart maybe, to be able to communicate the truths that the Lord has revealed to me. Well, to be straight up, that is it in the nutshell, isn’t it? Only God, through the Holy Spirit can really and truly reveal these truths to each individual. I have tried to express and explain in so many ways, so many times but walk away feeling discouraged because I can’t seem to express the things of my heart the way I truly feel and see them.
The last blog I posted, Death and Resurrection, I wrote in November and, again, when I was done I wasn’t happy with it so I sat on it for a while. Every once in awhile I would pull it up again and reread it to see if there was anything I could change, correct or fix. I made a change here and there but the content was pretty much the same… lacking “impact” and “insight” that I was really hoping for. So, I decided to post it at the end of December just to get it in before the New Year.
The last couple of guests that the Lord has brought to the Inn have helped me to see some things even clearer. We had a pastor and his wife stay with us again and my expectations of pastors are that they would have a heart for the Lord at least as great as mine… I am sure there are some out there but these have been disappointing. I am not saying that they aren’t wonderful people but, again, they talked of everything else BUT the Lord and His impact in their lives. That is ALL I want to talk about!! I wanted so much to talk about the Lord and what He is revealing to me and showing me but each time I tried to go down that road, they would change the subject to something else.
Then, we had these wonderful and so sweet ladies stay with us Friday night. They shared with me that they met each other at church and they even prayed over their meal before they eat it, but again, NOTHING was mentioned about My Lord or His impact and place in their lives. I sat in the kitchen eating my breakfast while listening to their conversation and it centered mostly around illness, either theirs or someone else’s, but illnesses none the less. As I sat and listened and prayed, the thought hit me… it was all about the “physical” yet again! All about the “temporal” and nothing about the spiritual!! I started thinking about how when we are young, we are caught up in the “material” things of life. Working hard to make the wages that will give us the toys, prestige, and accolades we want. Or, the physical pleasures… sex, drugs, alcohol, adrenaline experiences like bungee jumping or sky diving. We are so focused on us, the physical pleasures and the temporal things of life at that time in our lives.
Then I thought, certainly as we get older and more mature as Christians, wouldn’t we want to set all that stuff aside, seeing the futility of it all and focus on the spiritual and eternal aspect of life…? But NO! Instead, we are still all consumed with the physical yet again only this time it is in the “aliment” and illness department instead of the “pleasure” department… Lord, help us! I can understand how the aches and pains of the physical can be a pain and a distraction, and how it isn’t like it used to be but I certainly do NOT want to spend all my time talking about it!
So, as I was sitting there at breakfast, thinking and praying and coming to these realizations, I had a very deep sadness, for us as the body and for the Lord. We really don’t get it do we. And “I” can’t impart these things to others. “I” can’t “make” them want to spend time with Him, talk about Him or inspire a desire for Him in their lives, only HE can. Unless the Father draws them, or reveals Himself to them, they cannot truly see Him. So, I have been more quiet and more introspective and more prayerful these last couple of weeks and the Lord is helping me to see, yet again, that it isn’t all about ME but all about HIM and His plans and purposes, because they are perfect and good. All I need to do is ABIDE in Him and be the branch that produces the fruit that brings HIM the glory, honor and praise.
Thank you Lord for setting me straight, yet again, on who is in control. I thank You that Your plans are perfect and good and that You love these people more than I do and everything will all work out for the BEST (not the good) and for YOUR Glory, honor and praise and not mine. Thank you for helping me to “die” in this area of my life so that you can resurrect me to be greater than I was but for YOUR glory and not mine. Your loving and devoted servant, Linda :)
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