Yesterday morning and today I had a couple really neat “connection” moments with Oswald. In Yesterday’s devotional he is talking about when Jesus is asking Peter if he loved him… three times! And Oswald has the following insight:
"Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, 'Do you love Me?' “Yet he was awakened to the fact that at the center of his personal life he was devoted to Jesus. And then he began to see what Jesus' patient questioning meant. There was not the slightest bit of doubt left in Peter's mind; he could never be deceived again. And there was no need for an impassioned response; no need for immediate action or an emotional display. It was a revelation to him to realize how much he did love the Lord, and with amazement he simply said, "Lord, You know all things . . ." Peter began to see how very much he did love Jesus, and there was no need to say, "Look at this or that as proof of my love." Peter was beginning to discover within himself just how much he really did love the Lord. He discovered that his eyes were so fixed on Jesus Christ that he saw no one else in heaven above or on the earth below. But he did not know it until the probing, hurting questions of the Lord were asked. The Lord's questions always reveal the true me to myself.”
When I read this I was reminded of the day I had forgotten my cell phone at our daughter’s and started to panic when I realized how much I relied on it. Then the Lord asked me if I relied on HIM as much as my cell phone. It was this probing question that made me realize just HOW MUCH I relied on HIM! Losing the cell phone is just an annoyance but losing Jesus is death! Death to my soul as well as my life as I know it now!! At first, when the Lord asked me that question, I was afraid that I didn’t rely on Him as much as my phone but after I spent some time thinking and pondering, I realized that I truly did, and much more than I was consciously aware of! Jesus’ questioning me “awakened the awareness” of the depth of my reliance of Him. That was pretty cool :)
This last weekend was very busy for us at the Inn . We had some very wonderful guests from Wednesday night through Sunday night so I was baking, cooking and talking to several different people for several days. Plus we had a good friend drop in and stay with us as well! Being an “introvert” socializing drains my battery as opposed to and extravert who is energized by socializing so at the end of the weekend I was so drained I felt like I had nothing left to offer anyone. I told Tom I felt like “poured out wine”. I actually stayed home from being with our grandson last night because I really needed some alone time to “recharge” my battery!
Then today’s Oswald talked about being “pour out” for his sheep:
When we receive the life of Christ through the Holy Spirit, He unites us with God so that His love is demonstrated in us. The goal of the indwelling Holy Spirit is not just to unite us with God, but to do it in such a way that we will be one with the Father in exactly the same way Jesus was. And what kind of oneness did Jesus Christ have with the Father? He had such a oneness with the Father that He was obedient when His Father sent Him down here to be poured out for us. And He says to us, "As the Father has sent Me, I also send you" (Joh_20:21).
Peter now realizes that he does love Him, due to the revelation that came with the Lord's piercing question. The Lord's next point is --- "Pour yourself out. Don't testify about how much you love Me and don't talk about the wonderful revelation you have had, just 'Feed My sheep.' "
That was very cool… to feel like I had poured myself out and “fed his sheep” all weekend, this was a confirmation of my life in Him. That I was doing exactly what He has called me to do! I had never made the connection that Oswald brings up when John says: He had such a oneness with the Father that He was obedient when His Father sent Him down here to be poured out for us. And He says to us, "As the Father has sent Me, I also send you" (Joh_20:21). … to be poured out!! How come we don’t hear that taught anywhere?? The world and the church is always looking for others to serve them… and not to pour themselves out for others! Thank you Lord that you poured Yourself out for us as an example of what we are to do for Your sheep and Your body… help us to take our eyes off of ourselves and our wants and needs and be obedient to what You have called us to do… to feed your sheep.
I know when I am poured out, I enjoy it but I really need to make sure I have some ‘recovery” time afterwards! I was wondering if I was doing something wrong… like trying to do these things in my own strength, which is still a very real possibility too! But, I feel like God was letting me know that pouring myself out in this way was a good thing and within His plan for me :)
We finally got the internet up… a week later, but we are all set now! I have not had as much time to go through the “Intimacy with God” study like I had hoped but have spent some time with it the last couple of mornings. She starts off with the basics of confirming that the Bible is the word of God, and that belief in Jesus is the only way to God and heaven so I am skimming through these chapters since I am already there. I am looking forward to going deeper :)
I have had two new ladies contact me regarding help as spouses of sexual addicts this last week… my days are starting to fill up! I thought for sure I would know what God wanted me to do with the “group” situation by now but I still don’t know anymore than I did before. My thought is, until I hear a clear direction from Him, I will keep doing what I am doing… which is waiting. The ladies seem to be more comfortable with one-on-one meetings at this point anyway and their schedules are all different so coming up with a time they could all come would be difficult… so, I will wait upon the Lord and His direction.
Thank you Lord for your amazing influence, guidance and direction in our lives. I pray that we all can surrender ourselves and our lives more and more to you so as YOU fill us up, we can be poured out, for YOUR Glory and Honor, in Jesus name, amen!
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